Tidbits of randomness

Randoms...and still nothing about New Orleans...but I will get around to writing about it...one day soon...

-Christmas, celebrated on Christmas Eve, with Mom, Dad, Sarah, Seth, Abby and Alex was nice and relaxing. We saw Avatar in 3D and ate chili and cornbread for dinner before we opened gifts. Sixty dollars to Sephora from Abby and Alex, a knock off Chanel purse from Seth, Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist on DVD from Sarah and $350 and assorted books and CDs from Dad. Mom plans to take us shopping for clothes as our gift on Monday. I saw Nine yesterday with Sarah (OMG I love Marion Cotillard) and Sherlock Holmes today with Alex's parents, Alex, Abby, Mom and Dad. I love family and free movies.

-A gynecologist yelled at me about my diabetes earlier this week. He was an older man I'd never met before who clearly didn't understand the differences between type 1 and type 2 diabetes. When I sat down in his office, he blatantly said, "You're not gonna live to be 50 and if you do, it's not gonna be a healthy 50." He also insulted the job done by my endocrinologists, who know far more about diabetes than a gynecologist does. I left his office in tears. My dad jokingly offered to slash his tires.

-My purple insulin pump is here, sitting in a box in the kitchen. Before I can use it, however, I'm to take a "refresher" course at Children's Hospital to relearn how to work it. When I told Trevor how ugly I'm afraid it will look, he responded, "It looks sexy and I love it." But what I'm dreading the most is the onslaught of people who will be asking questions about the device that's attached to me, making my illness even more visible. I hate that I have to wear this thing again....but I will get over it in order to be healthier.

-I have an appointment on Monday at the post office to get my passport. Belize, here I come.

-I need to buy something ridiculously sparkly to wear on New Years Eve. Along with fake eyelashes and those fake gemstones that stick to your skin. I'm 'bout to go all out.

-I'm going to audition for Women's Glee Club at school, if they have space. If not, I'll try out in the spring. This Glee Club does not dance, thank God.

-I probably drank an entire bottle of wine by myself last night and for some reason, I woke up at 7:30 this morning. I need to go back to bed now.

Just got back from New Orleans. Unforgettable.

French Quarter
Bourbon Street
Project Lazarus
Voodoo
HIV-positive
AIDS
People
Black people
White people
Gay people
Straight people
Dying people
Living people
Homeless people
Hopeless people
Hopeful people
Drug abusers
The Ninth Ward
Brad Pitt
Zydeco music
Alligator
Fried catfish
Mississippi River

I'll elaborate later when I feel like it.

LEAVING THE COUNTRY

That is the flag of Belize.

I put it there because...I'm going to Belize over Spring Break! I found out today that one of the participants originally selected for the trip dropped out and I was the first alternate on the list! It's another Alternative Break offered through Ohio State (like the New Orleans trip that I'm going on--in less than a week!). In Belize, I'll be volunteering for the organization One World Running which donates shoes to underprivileged communities.

I'M SOOOOOOOOOO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been obsessed with Central and South America since I was a little girl and my uncle Ned showed me pictures of ruins and colorful festivals. Now I finally get to travel to Central America! And I'll be leaving the United States for the first time in my life.

I'll need to raise a hefty $1,500...so if anyone wants to donate, please let me know! I would appreciate it more than anything.

P.S. If you were perhaps curious as to why I seem so hyperactive, blame the excitement of going on the Belize trip and the fact that I just chugged an Amp Energy drink. I'm not sleeping before my Nursing 301 final exam tomorrow. Good times.

Great Expectations

Remember Great Expectations? Charles Dickens's book about the life of Pip, a boy born into a low social class who desires to become a wealthy, respected nobleman. During his childhood, he meets the extravagant and contemptuous Miss Havisham and her adopted daughter Estella, who he falls in love with despite her coldness and cruelty. Pip begins his climb toward the upper class with the hope that one day he will be wealthy and distinguished enough to marry Estella.

Trevor claims that when reading Great Expectations in high school, the character Estella reminded him of me as a little girl. I don't believe I was totally Estella-esque but Trevor does have an impeccable memory and he remembers just about every exchange we had as kids...

As the story goes, Trevor moved into my neighborhood when we were ten or eleven years old. He began coming to the community center where my friends and I played after school and he claims that that's when he fell in love with me. But just as quickly, I broke his heart. I was allegedly manipulative and cruel, toying with his feelings. An especially Estella moment: during our brief time as boyfriend and girlfriend, he gave me a reversible ladybug/bumble bee stuffed animal as a gift (he seriously remembers these details) but I soon dumped him for another boy.

Before we entered middle school, Trevor moved away. But he never forgot about me and I never really forgot about him. We saw each other two or three times throughout the middle school and high school years. He kept tabs on me through Facebook and I sometimes clicked on his page to see where he had ended up. I had always wondered why he'd never tried to contact me (he would later tell me that he never had because he could never settle for being "just your friend.")

Last May, on my birthday (which is the day before his own), he wished me a "happy birthday" and suggested that we hang out over summer break. Little did I know, he had finally contacted me after seeing my relationship status on Facebook change to "single."

I didn't think anything of his invitation to hang out and I certainly did not think he was still interested in me after eight years. We finally saw each other again at the end of June. He later admitted that his ten-year-old crush was rekindled that night. And the rest of the story, you already know.

So I guess our story is kind of like Estella and Pip's. Minus the escaped criminal turned secret benefactor and the bat-crazy old lady with the permanent broken heart.

WHO DEY!!!!

“When was the last time you saw a Bengals team take the field saying, ‘We’re going to kick your butt?' They expect to win. They don’t hope to win,” Wilcots says. “This team has a mental makeup unlike any team I’ve seen them have. Their 2005 division champions weren’t intimidating. They survived their way to 11 wins. This team is rocking people’s worlds.”

-Former Bengals Defensive Back, Solomon Wilcots, on the Bengals vs. Raiders game today

"Damn, you've got curves"

I appreciated Katydid's earlier post about embracing one's body. I have wanted but hesitated to write a similar post myself.

But since she beat me to it and wrote it so eloquently, I'll keep this short.

The dress I'm wearing in the picture above (from last night's Date Party) makes me truly embrace my body. It's a dress that was meant for curvy hips, curvy legs, a curvy ass and big boobs. And it was meant to accentuate them.

Yep, I've got curves. And yep, I love 'em.

Hello Again Insulin Pump

About a week ago, I decided to go back on the insulin pump. We're beginning the process and I'm really excited. It's been three years since I went off pump therapy and returned to injections. But now I think I'm ready to go back.

Nursing school is making me a better diabetic. Mostly because it's instilling the fear of God in me. During clinical yesterday, I had a 55-year-old patient (who looked 75) with a host of problems, including type 2 diabetes. It's terrifying to see firsthand the complications these patients suffer.

Yesterday was really overwhelming. I cried several times throughout the day without a real reason as to why. I've been having trouble coping with seeing such sick, sad people in the hospital. My patient was incredibly obese, he had been in a hospital bed for over a month after back surgery (so he had developed pressure ulcers on his back), he had osteomyelitis (infection of the bone), MRSA and his right lower leg was blackish-purple (maybe caused by diabetes). He was agitated and rude to the PCA. Although, he was nice to me.

When I see patients like this, I feel haunted by the thought of a life being diminished to nothing but lying immobile in a hospital bed, people constantly feeling sorry for you and being afraid of you. I just kept thinking, "What is this man's life, if anything?"

For the bad moments, however, there are also good moments in the hospital. Such as the 91-year-old who serenaded my other clinical partners and claimed, "They told me to watch out; they put all of the pretty girls in red!"

This has been really hard but I know I can handle it.

Anyway, I should be back on the insulin pump in a month or two. I really can't wait.

I want to worry less about diabetes complications. Oh, and I want to take 12 injections a month rather than 120!

P.S. This is my 200th post!

Swine Flu

I had live fragments of H1N1 virus sprayed up my nose today.

I'm in the Tier 1 (Highest Risk) group as a health care worker so I had no choice in whether or not to get the vaccine. Plus, I'm under 25 and I have a chronic illness! Good times.

Pray I don't get sick with the swine!

I'm in a weird, reminiscent mood. It happened after Trevor told me he plans to go home for the third weekend in a row. And when I started listening to my "Top 25 Most Played" songs on iTunes.

The songs remind me of last winter and last spring. They bring back these vivid images.

My life was so different last November 1st.

The songs make me miss certain people, regret certain things I did, appreciate other decisions I made.

I need to go to bed.

Nursing Ups and Downs

I had my second clinical in the hospital yesterday. And, let me tell you, this week's clinical was much much more challenging than last week's.

My patient was a 64-year-old woman with encephalopathy (general brain dysfunction), aphasia (impairment of ability to communicate), schizophrenia and a number of other medical problems (obesity, hypertension, use of feeding tube). She's lived in an extended care facility for several years. The reason she was admitted to the hospital, however, was for a dislodged nephrostomy tube (which are tubes going into her kidneys to relieve her hydronephrosis and urosepsis). Somehow her left nephrostomy tube was dislodged the night before so it needed to be replaced.

Our responsibility was to change her bed linens and to give a full bed bath. The tube in her back, in addition to the pressure ulcers on her coccyx, caused her a lot of pain whenever we turned her. So she would moan, scream and mumble incomprehensibly whenever moved. It was extremely difficult to turn her due to her weight, as well. We managed to get everything done successfully but I couldn't help feeling sympathy for this woman's condition. It was a very depressing case but still one that I needed to witness and experience.

Today was way better. I went to an informational meeting for the Project Lazarus New Orleans trip I'm going on in December. I got to meet the five other participants (the sixth is one of my sorority sisters), our two group leaders and our advisor. All of them seem so enthusiastic and easy to get along with. A member of the Columbus AIDS Task Force came to speak to us since we will be working with HIV/AIDS patients at the hospice. He was extremely blunt about HIV/AIDS and we had open discussions about the difference between HIV and AIDS, what the illness looks like, sex, sexuality, misconceptions, contraception, prevention, etc. It was a very interesting dialogue and I'm looking forward to working with and learning more from the people living at the facility. I'm also really excited to explore the city of New Orleans! I couldn't stop smiling after the meeting because I can't wait to go--I know it's going to be an unforgettable trip. Who knows, maybe it will spur me to do something with HIV/AIDS in nursing in the future...

I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!

In my scrubs

This is my awesome clinical group! As you can see, we were practicing shaving on Pat.

New Orleans-Bound

A few weeks ago, I applied to go on an alternative winter break trip offered through Ohio State. For a week, students are sent to volunteer in areas throughout the United States for various organizations and causes. This year, there are ten different destinations and ten students are accepted to each trip (50 accepted to the Habitat for Humanity trip).

Today, I found out that I got accepted to my first choice!

The location I'll go to is Project Lazarus in New Orleans. Project Lazarus is a residential facility for people suffering with AIDS in the Gulf Coast region. The trip will only cost $185, which includes transportation and housing.

I'm so excited! I've always wanted to visit New Orleans and this will definitely be good experience for nursing. And good experience in general.

First Day as a Student Nurse

I had my first clinical in the hospital today...

My patient was a 55-year-old woman with pulmonary MAC (Mycobacterium avium complex) and pancolitis caused by C. diff . She also had COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease). My partner and I helped her with her bed bath, changed her linens and learned from the Patient Care Assistant (PSA) in charge (I never actually met the RN). Due to the C. diff, our patient was in contact isolation which meant we had to wear gowns and gloves. She showed us pictures of her granddaughters and told us about her daughters and how she was excited to go home today.

I learned about filling out patient charts and how to use the computers to look up labs and other data.

I had a low blood sugar at one point during the day, I think because I was sort of nervous. But it was really exciting to finally be in the hospital, even doing the most menial tasks, and I'm looking forward to next week.

We survived...

Went camping with Tess, Allie, Natalie, and Katie last night in Delaware State Park. Elizabeth, Kylie and Megan came to visit for a little bit. I love my atypical sorority girls.

It was cold (I think the average was 47 degrees) but the park was absolutely gorgeous with the autumn colors and blue skies. We also went to a Haunted Forest and got the shit scared out of us, ate caramel apples and roasted hotdogs over the campfire.

A very fun weekend. I needed the getaway.

I enjoyed reading Katydid's stream-of-consciousness recount of her evening. So I'm going to do the same for my Saturday night...

I'm in sweatpants, sprawled on the floor of my room with Lauren, Mary, Nat and Katie. We're planning to watch He's Just Not That Into You. I would rather watch Harry Potter. I have every intention of staying in tonight--I had gotten really drunk the night before and game day's are always tiring. It's just going to be a chill night with the girls. We're talking about Katie's ex-boyfriend. My phone lights up so I reach for it. It's a text from Adam; he's in Columbus. I haven't seen him since June and I've hardly spoken to him. But I have a strong desire to see him and find out how his life is going. He's at a party near my house so he meets me halfway. I see him; he has longer hair and he's much thinner. I comment on this and tug his hair. My phone lights up again. It's Trevor. I told him I was going to see Adam and he said okay, but now he is insistent that he come get me. He's drunk; the worst I've ever seen him. I want to stay with Adam because I feel like we haven't talked enough. The party is in the courtyard of an apartment building; it's getting cold out which I love. I know Trevor needs me so I tell Adam that I have to leave. He walks me to the street and we face each other. I tell him I'm dating someone and he is happy for me but he still offers his services if ever I need him to beat up a guy. I thank him. We say that we've missed each other, hug and he kisses me on the lips. I say goodbye and walk to Trevor. When I see him he picks me up. He wants to take me to another house party. He's upset that the Buckeyes beat his beloved Wisconsin Badgers so he yells "Go Badgers!" to everyone who passes. He tells me that he has gotten in a lot of trouble tonight for his drunken stupidity--he was kicked out of a party earlier. You're an idiot. He keeps giving me sloppy kisses. When we get to the party, Trevor will hardly let go of me but when he goes to get another beer--even after I protest--a freshman approaches me about the necklace I'm wearing. We start talking for a few seconds when Trevor pushes him out of the way, wraps an arm around my waist and leads me away. I apologize profusely to the poor freshman. I'm becoming more and more disgusted. This happens a second time when a guy starts casually talking to me. I want to leave. But Trevor wants me to come with him. I'll make sure you get to bed without hurting yourself but then I have to leave, I say. But when we get home, he begs me to stay with him and I know it's too late and too dark for me to walk home alone. He lays on the futon and I can see tears in his eyes. He misses his friends from Wisconsin so much, he tells me. He hates Ohio State; I'm the only good thing here. I rub his back and tell him everything will be okay. I put him to bed and cover him with the blanket I made for him. Then I realize I don't want him to puke on it so I grab another one. I Google "alcohol poisoning" on his iPhone. I listen to make sure he is breathing evenly. I keep the door to his room open and curl up on the futon across the room, making sure I can see him in case something goes wrong. It's fucking cold in this apartment; I can hear the AC running. I don't even know the exact address of his place, what would I do if I had to call 911? I go over the night in my head. What. the. fuck. I text my sister and Kelly. I finally fall asleep at four in the morning. At 8, I wake up, write a note on his door and leave.

Kidney Punch

Last night, the boyfriend drove me to Urgent Care for a UTI/kidney infection. It was really cute (not the infection, but the fact that he was taking care of me when I was too stressed to take care of myself). He's also bugging me about checking my blood sugars more often which I actually appreciate. Because my blood sugar numbers have been crap lately. So things are going well on the relationship front and improving on the health front.

The reason I was so incredibly stressed was because I had a big exam and a quiz this week. But I survived my first exam in the School of Nursing! For Nursing 385: Integrated Sciences for Nursing Practice--a class that had only 5 or 6 A's last year out of 166. I got a B+ and I was only one question away from getting an A!

The midterm covered pathophysiology and pharmacology which are subjects that I find really interesting. We learned about the Therapeutic Index (it determines whether a drug is more therapeutic or more toxic to the population), IV fluids, fluid and electrolyte imbalances (like hyperkalemia which is too much potassium in the body), pharmacokinetics, etc.

My next big midterm is Wednesday in Nursing 301: Foundational Nursing Concepts. I think it's going to be more challenging because we've covered a lot of extremely broad material regarding hygiene, mobility, and safety.

Although this week was long and busy and stressful--studying, sorority recruitment, Triathlon Club, kidney infection and all--I'm really happy with the way things are going. Yay, sophomore year.

...Now let the weekend finally begin!

October...

...my second favorite month (behind May).

I love ripping the old month from my calendar to reveal a brand new month.

The Underdog

I was groaning and screaming obscenities for the majority of the game and biting my nails during those last few plays. But my Cincinnati Bengals finally pulled a win against the Pittsburgh Steelers.

This is why I love cheering for the underdog; seeing an underdog's victory heightens your satisfaction, elation and pride tenfold.

I know it's still early in the season but this win has given the team the momentum they've needed.

After three years of abuse, disappointment and embarrassment, I finally feel vindicated.

OSU Nursing Class of '12

Tomorrow, I'll officially be a sophomore in the Ohio State School of Nursing.

I am so incredibly excited. I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight.

I got my Ohio State University College of Nursing badge to wear on my scrubs. I've got my purple stethoscope (although I won't need to use it for a while). My iPod Touch is synced with all my nursing school applications. I've got my first clinical in four weeks--in GI and Infection.

I'm going to be a student nurse.

Damn.

Sex on Fire

A few things...

-I'm finally back at school! And getting back into a routine. I absolutely love being back here.

-I got free tickets to the Kings of Leon concert this Wednesday night. Thank you, Ohio State!

-I have so much faith in the Cincinnati Bengals that people (non-Cincinnatians and Cincinnatians alike) frequently laugh in my face. But I firmly believe that we have talent and heart that will make us a threat this season--and I will argue that until I'm blue in the face. Seeing them win against the Packers yesterday made me beyond, beyond happy.

-Living in the sorority house has turned out better than I could have ever expected. There is always something going on, someone to talk to, someone you can get to know better, someone to watch Little Miss Sunshine with, or someone to order Insomnia Cookies (Double Chocolate Chunk, if you wanted to know my favorite) with at 11 at night. And there is always time for myself, too.

-I've been watching Glee and Community on Hulu and I'm very impressed. Community, especially, had me really laughing out loud. I have yet to watch the second season of True Blood because I was busy re-watching the first season with the boyfriend. But I'll get around to it eventually.

-I have sophomore orientation for nursing tomorrow and classes start on Wednesday. My life is about to get 100 times harder...

$$$$

I have watched so much money disappear today on...

-Kid Cudi's new CD
-A new phone (although I came home and immediately sent in that mail-in rebate)
-Printing documents at Kinko's
-Toiletries and supplies for school--shampoo, conditioner, Neutrogena SPF 15 moisturizer, John Freida Dream Curls spray, Dove soap, headbands, printer paper, notebook paper, pens, pencils, Post-Its, staples, a planner, a calendar, a file organizer thing, etc.
-Housing for Tri-Delta
-A Microbiology 509 laboratory manual
-Chipotle for the family

And that is just in one day! And only what I can remember off the top of my head.

I still have to get my haircut, buy printer ink and white shoes for clinicals, and pay for a drug screen, hospital ID badge, the Kaplan Nursing Diagnostic Testing, and course packets for Nursing 301.01 and Nursing 385.01. Oh, and I can't forget about those ridiculously overpriced textbooks.

It makes me so incredibly grateful for my parents and their support. I can not even begin to imagine paying for everything by myself (like the $190 medical bill we received today for some blood work I needed for nursing school). I see how they've allowed me to follow my very expensive dreams and ambitions.

I love ya, Mom and Dad.

Farewell, Summer

I spent the weekend at the University of Pittsburgh with Melissa, Liza and Gaby. I fell in love with the city and the trip was ridiculously fun. Plus, it was the perfect way to end the summer (although I broke my phone and cracked the car's bumper today. Whoops!)

Now it's time to say goodbye to summer and to start preparing to move back to my beloved city of Columbus...

Peace out, wisdom teeth!

Homesick

I want to be at Ohio State right now. In the student section of the football stadium on a chilly Saturday afternoon in the fall. Wrapped in my Ohio State hoodie and Ohio State blanket. Head spinning from the seven games of beer pong and flip cup we played at 10AM. Standing right beside my loud, cheering friends. Standing in the hour long line at Cane's Chicken or Chipotle to get food once the game is over. And continuing to drink until Sunday morning.

God, I miss home. Two weeks until move in!

Phoenix "1901"

I heard this song in the trailer for "New York, I Love You." And I love it.

Tetris and Diabetes

I got back from diabetes camp on Saturday. I was the senior counselor for the 12-year-old girls and I fell in love with all ten of the them (yes, there were ten and yes, I was exhausted). I miss everyone so much, already.

The picture above (courtesy of Marci) is from the camp dance--this year, the theme was "Blast from the Past." So fellow counselors, Kat, Jacob, Marci, Duffy, and I decided to dress up as Tetris pieces.

As you can see, I was the green square. And the five of us didn't really fit together at all. But I think it turned out looking sweet (and we were pretty much celebrities at the dance--everyone wanted a picture with us assembled together)...












How are we possibly going to top this next summer?

:-)

The Boy is going to Ohio State.

Always on the way

"Ever'body is askin' that. 'What we comin' to?' Seems to me we don't never come to nothin'. Always on the way."
-Grapes of Wrath

I finally watched The Grapes of Wrath movie yesterday on TCM. It was really good--the actors who played Ma Joad and Casy were excellent, and Henry Fonda was sexy--but, of course, it wasn't like reading the book. It captured a lot of my favorite parts--when Mae the waitress gives the children two nickel candies for a penny and the truck drivers leave her a big tip--but it just failed to evoke the same feelings I had reading it. I'll just never be a true believer in making amazing books into movies. But it's okay, I can just stare at Henry Fonda all day long...

There is a new boy...

...He's from my past--before high school, before junior high. Go back to ten-year-old Emily (pre-orthodontia, glasses, stringy hair, a fan of pairing biker shorts with sweaters). I think the fact that we have history contributed a great deal to the speed with which I fell for him (he painfully recalls our short-lived relationship in sixth grade which I ended by recruiting another girl to deliver the break up message). Oh yeah, did I mention he is the same guy who introduced me to Citizen Cope a few weeks ago?

He is the first person I've genuinely liked in a long time. He's not a rebound I have luke-warm feelings for; I love being with him. He's given me my first glimpses of the real Cincinnati (19 years and I'd never seen beautiful Over-the-Rhine), forced me to listen to Dierks Bentley songs (okay, country music is growing on me), told stories that nearly made me pee my pants, given me a necklace from Tiffany's, taken me antiquing, bought me sugarfree Angel Food cake, introduced me to Friday Night Lights, nearly killed us driving the wrong direction on a one-way street, teased me for eating my turkey burgers with only ketchup, and made me feel like the most special girl in the entire world. It's weird but exciting to feel this kind of affection again.

However, things are up in the air at the moment--he's still deciding whether to transfer to University of Tennessee or to Ohio State. We've already discussed my refusal to be in another long-distance relationship and he respects that. But I do not want that to be a factor that influences his decision--I want him to do what is best for him. I don't feel that I should be in the equation at all...

Who knows how things will end up? If this blog has taught me anything over the past year, it's that I have no fucking clue.

"I Still Care For You"

While I was listening to my iPod on shuffle today, this forgotten song popped up. Reminds me again why I love Ray LaMontagne.

Korelitz Krew

Yesterday, we had our staff training session for Camp Korelitz. I loved seeing some of the diabetic and NDs (non-diabetic friends) I haven't seen in a year. And sitting around the round table with a few of them, checking our blood sugars for lunch, laughing at those who were low (me) or high.

I can hardly believe that this summer will be my fourth as a counselor at Korelitz. I'm getting paid this year for the first time, too! Not a lot--but I don't care.

It's one the best places ever. I'll be working here until I'm an old ass woman.

Benjamins

A few weeks ago, the IRS informed my family that we owed them $10,000. But, as it turns out, that was a mistake and they actually owed us $1,000. So my dad gave my sister and I each $100 of the $1,000 we received because he was so happy and relieved. Awesome.

The Good

I strongly believe that out of bad, there can come good. And I saw it this week...

Friday, my sister Sarah had coffee with my Nurse Practitioner, Shannon. Shannon has been my NP at Children's Hospital since I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and, every three months for the past four years, I've seen either her or my endocrinologist (my favorite endocrinologist, Dr. R., however, was recently offered a job as Head of Endocrinology at another children's hospital so he'll be leaving me). My sister was meeting with Shannon this week to discuss Yale--Shannon graduated from Yale's Nurse Practitioner program and became the influence and encouragement for my sister to apply there, as well.

So, I became a diabetic >> I met Shannon >> Sarah met Shannon >> Shannon gave Sarah the courage to apply to Yale >> Sarah grew some balls, applied and was accepted. And come Fall, she's going to go through a great program that will help to make her an awesome NP one day.

Nostalgic Summer

In the middle of the night--after sneaking in with one member of the "pool posse" and the lifeguards (well, I guess, it's not sneaky if you're with the Head Lifeguard and he has a key) and polishing off half a bottle of cheap, delicious wine in a coffee mug adorned with Henry the Hand (a hand-shaped character who promotes the principles of proper hand-washing through song and whose humiliating mascot costume I was forced to wear as a kid)--I climbed up onto one of the lifeguard chairs and jumped off into the deep end of the pool where, growing up, I spent every day of summer.

Identity Crisis and Citizen Cope

Last night, I reunited with an old old friend from my childhood. Mostly we drove around, laughing our asses off and listening to a shit ton of his different, random music. He informed me that, up north (he's at University of Wisconsin), I'm considered an "Ohio redneck" and a "southern belle." This is news to me! I thought I was simply a Midwestern girl. Now I'm having an identity crisis!

But he also introduced me to a couple of songs by Citizen Cope and immediately I fell in love with the guy's sexy voice...

Daddy's Girl

For some reason, seeing fathers with their children is way cuter to me than seeing mothers with their children.

"Well, keeps life interesting"

I've been meaning to write something on here but this week has been sort of a whirlwind (in a good way). So, here are some random tidbits...

-I just purchased my red scrubs, a purple Classic II S.E. stethoscope, penlight, bandage scissors, clipboard with calculator, reflex hammer, blood pressure cuff, Kelly clamp and EKG calipers for nursing school. I don't even know what the hell those last two items are...but I'm so stoked! Everything is coming together.

-Muscular Dystrophy summer camps nationwide have been canceled due to 11 cases of swine flu in three of the camps. It's really disappointing that I won't get to work there this summer but there's always next year. Really, I'd probably be a million times more disappointed if diabetes summer camp was the one getting canceled.

-I really really like Regina Spektor's new CD, Far. I've listened to "Genius Next Door" ten times already.

-The choir director at our church invited me to sing a solo for an upcoming service. I'm simultaneously terrified and excited. I haven't sung in front of people in over a year. But, if a singer is one of the things I want to be when I grow up, I better start somewhere.

-I love how many different friends I've gotten the chance to hang out with so far this summer. It does, however, make me miss my friends from school.

-Our Chicago road trip plans to visit Katydid are shaping up! Needless to say, it's going to be epic.

-The Resident Home Corporation, where I was planning to work this summer, informed me that they do not have any positions available right now. But they will try to call me when something opens up. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

-Since I'm no longer working at MD camp next week, we're trying to plan a camping trip to Red River Gorge in Kentucky. I can't wait go fishing and hiking and swimming and cabrewing!

-The title of this post comes from a quote from my mom...

"Guess who's coming into town for the week?" I asked her one afternoon earlier this week as we sat at the kitchen table.
"Who?"
I paused, "Adam."
"Well, keeps life interesting," she replied simply.

And I realized that that's all there is to it. Everything that happens to us, whether seemingly bad (like an ex-boyfriend in the military coming into town unexpectedly) or good (like getting drunk off wine in your backyard with some good friends), is keeping us from being bored out of our minds. We're just trying to keep our lives interesting. Otherwise, what's the point?

Dirt and Dress Up

Last night, went off-roading in the Jeep--without the roof--and proceeded to get covered in tidal waves of mud and water.

And today, bought a little black dress to wear to the wedding tomorrow.

Being a girl is awesome.

A Bad Moment in a Good Day

Today I listened as an overweight woman, who has had an enormous stick up her devout ass since before I can remember, yelled at her beautiful, formerly-anorexic niece, whose wedding is this weekend, about losing weight in order to fit into her wedding dress. Makes me sick.

I Need...A What?!

I received my admission packet to the BSN (Bachelor of Science in Nursing) program today! It's just a bunch of information on clinical compliance, immunizations, background checks, drug screening, and ordering medical equipment and scrubs. I kind of knew the drill.

What I was unaware of, however, was this: "The College of Nursing requires all undergraduate AND Graduate Entry students to have an iPod Touch or compatible mobile device for use in classroom and clinical settings by the beginning of AUTUMN Quarter."

Excuse me?! Uh, shit.

I see this dream is going to be an expensive one.

Well, I just realized my blog isn't a year old until June 15. Damnit. I fail.

One Year Older

Happy Birthday, Blog! You're one year old today. You were born in sadness but today I couldn't be happier.

Let's get drunk because it's my first night of summer!

Nurse Jackie

The show, Nurse Jackie, has been getting a lot of shit from the American Nurses Association. People (nurses) are offended by the "negative" portrayal of nurses on the television show; Jackie abuses drugs and cheats on her husband with a man at work (who is the one giving her the drugs). One concern of the ANA is that "the growing [nursing] shortage is exacerbated by the fact that young men and women are choosing other professions instead of nursing, in part because of the negative and often denigrating portrayal of nursing perpetuated in the media."

So I watched the first episode today. And, you know, I thought it was really well-done. And, hey, I didn't go straight to my nursing adviser to quit the program. Nurse Jackie is a television show that's more about a human being than a nurse. In the first episode, she kind of reminds me of Robin Hood; she feels guilt over a patient who dies, comforts the pregnant girlfriend of that dead guy, flushes an ear down the toilet that belongs to a man who nearly murdered a prostitute (rather than allow them to reattach it), and steals the wealthy earless guy's money to give to the dead guy's pregnant girlfriend. It's fucked up but I like her; she's brilliant and fierce. And not as annoying as Dr. House.

Now, if Showtime had a show portraying Nurse Jackie as this perfect, moral, lovely angel, then I might reconsider nursing as a career...

I Feel Like Crap

I haven't run in a week. And in the past week, my blood sugars have been terrible (and I do mean terrible) and I've been incredibly anxious. I feel like crap right now; mentally, physically and emotionally.

I think my limbs are ready for a really long, fast run tomorrow...

It is my last Saturday night...

...in the Park Hall Penthouse.

It's a sad, sad day.

But nothing Corona and good friends can't fix!

Have a great weekend.

Open Up

Today, I was reading through my old (and really old) blog posts and I realized that lately I haven't been nearly as narcissistic and open as I once was. A year ago (I can't believe this blog will be a year old on June 10), I would openly talk about my feelings and my personal life even when I was at my lowest, at my most angry, at my most depressed. At times when I probably looked like the worst person in the world or at other times, the most pathetic. But it helped me a lot to have a forum where I could be open and honest with myself.

But in the past few weeks, I haven't even attempted to explain what is going on in my life--the really important, emotional, heavy stuff--and I know a part of that is because a number of people close to me (and not that close) have gotten blogs, and whether or not they read my posts at all, I still feel exposed. And a subsection to the reason behind my lack of openness is that, to be truthful (that's a start), I haven't been on my best behavior. So it's kind of frightening for me to put everything out there. I mean, don't get me wrong, a lot of great things are happening to me, too. But still I hesitate to expand on them.

However, my mind's been so jumbled lately because I haven't been writing honestly and, as a result, I've not been able to make sense of some things. And, for me, writing is the only medium through which I feel I can best express myself. I don't really like talking out loud; writing is so much easier. So here's a start...

I never really explained that Adam and I broke up and, although, it's rough I know it's right.

I never talked about bursting into tears at my kitchen counter while reading about a nine-year-old who was blind from diabetes complications.

I never talked about kissing my best friend up here, or going on a date with him, and yet having no idea how I truly feel.

Or continuing to date (no, I should say, string along) another friend here when I didn't return any feelings for him at all.

Or that I'll probably get a B in Anatomy and I'm okay with that.

Or that I want to get another tattoo down my ribs that says, "Every road is a ray of light," because I don't believe in right or wrong decisions; every decision you make is going to lead you somewhere or teach you something that you'll appreciate in the end.

Or that Jody, whose husband of 42 years, Larry, passed away before my birthday, had said Larry was her soulmate and her words make me want to believe in soulmates so badly.

Or that I saw Up and although I didn't like it as much as the other Disney/Pixar movies, Carl and Russel are my favorite duo in history.

I never talked about having a rekindled crush on a crush from high school.

Or that I'm terrified I'm going to hate being a nurse.

Or that I've had the inexplicable urge recently to do something really crazy. Like sky diving...uh, but a little less crazy. I'm still thinking on it.

Okay, that was a pretty half-assed attempt at being honest and open but I do feel a little relieved. This seems like plenty of openness for today. Maybe later I'll get around to forming some cohesive sentences that go together, rather than throwing out this jumble of random thoughts...I'm just going to post this now.

Viva la Vida and Vagina

Coldplay concert tonight!!!!!

Driving to Cincinnati with my roommate, Kelly, for the concert and then driving straight back to Columbus for my Anatomy final exam tomorrow.

I'm going to have to quiz myself throughout the car ride and the night... What is the blood flow to the kidney? What is the flow of pancreatic juice to the duodenum of the small intestine? What is the flow of sperm from the seminiferous tubules?

Nothing like listening to Coldplay and studying the structures of the female reproductive system.

Have a great weekend!

!!!!!!

Over the summer, I have to purchase a stethoscope for nursing school in the fall. And look, I can pick one in any color! I'm so excited to rock my red scrubs and my stethoscope (red or purple?!) next year. And not only to look like a nursing student but to become one, too.

I would like to expand more on how all of this makes me feel...but all I can say is that I feel excitement and anticipation and happiness. Plain and simple. So, actually, I guess it's pretty clear. You don't need any more explanation than that.

I can't fucking wait.

Kingdom of Rust

Love this song and this video.

A random assortment of thoughts

-I'm literally melting in my dorm due to the lack of air conditioning. And it's only going to get worse in the next two weeks. Thanks, Ohio State Housing Department. Fuckers.

-Tomorrow, the Nursing Council is having a pizza party for the newly accepted students. One of my really good friends has not yet been accepted or denied to the program. Which is, in my opinion, absolute bull shit. I can guarantee that many people with higher GPA's (including myself) will not put as much heart into nursing as Jenny will. She's got the personality, the heart and the drive for it--so why the hell does a Chemistry grade get to determine everything?

-For MD (Muscular Dystrophy) camp this summer, I'm given responsibility of an individual camper. I recently received her basic information from my camp director. Her name is Jessica and she's 15-years-old. Interests and hobbies include swimming, horseback riding, canoeing, reading, video games and friends. Needs assistance with stairs, standing and transfer. Has a powered wheelchair and has occasional chocking problems.

I have her phone number so I can contact her parents to introduce myself and address any special needs. But, for some reason, I keep chickening out every time I reach for the phone. I'm terribly nervous and I can't understand why. I guess I feel inexperienced when I know I shouldn't. I've dealt with hypoglycemic attacks at three in the morning at diabetes camp. But I've never worked with someone who has a physical disability--especially at such a young age. I'm just afraid that I won't be knowledgeable or fun enough...

-Friends getting drunk on Tuesday nights and leaving video messages on your Facebook is extremely entertaining. I love video messages!

-I have a monster bruise and massive scar tissue build-up on each thigh from giving insulin shots there too often. But it's my favorite spot. Fuck my life.

-Uncle Tim and Dad have officially decided to ride their bikes across the country together (third time for Pops) in the summer of 2010. Tim will be raising money for his food banks in California while Dad will be raising money for JDRF (Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation) again. I'm really excited for both of them!

-Another Glendale Girl wedding is taking place on June 19. Danielle and Dan are getting ready to tie the knot. If one of the girls in my sorority can lend me an ID for the evening, I might get to go to the Bachelorette Party next Saturday!

-If you want to be creeped out by a piece of music, listen to Penderecki's "Threnody to the Victims of Hiroshima." It sounds like it inspired the music for The Shining or something. Penderecki meant for it to sound like an atomic bomb going off. I kind of hate it and appreciate it at the same time.

-I am going through a phase where I hate every song on my iTunes. Any suggestions for good music?

Faster

The Third Eye Blind concert was amazing last night. They played "Faster," which is where the name of this blog came from.

Now, I'm headed home to Cincinnati for the weekend! I've missed it.

4'33"

Today, in my classical music class, we listened to John Cage's 1952 "composition," 4'33". The reason I place the word composition in quotations is because the piece is four minutes and 33 seconds of silence. He didn't compose anything. He wanted the silence--or the daily sounds going on around you--to be the music. So we listened to some jack hammering, creaky desks, birds chirping, etc.

Cage was a very strange composer (he was big on this thing called "prepared piano," which is where you stick random things in between the strings in order to produce weird ass noises).

I don't know how I feel about the avant-garde, experimental composers yet, I'm still deciding...

Google is so clever

Wouldn't you love to be the guy/girl who gets to think up and create those clever Google graphics on the home page--such as the one that appeared today?

I'll take it as a good sign

Three weeks of classes left and one week of exams until summer. I take my last final on Wednesday June 10 but I'm planning to stay with everyone on my floor until Friday.

I'm having mixed emotions about it all. On the one hand, I'm incredibly excited to hang out with my friends in Cincinnati but, on the other hand, I'm really going to miss all of my friends in Columbus (and from all over).

I just have to remind myself that this is not a bad thing; it only means that I'm really happy with where I am. I'll take it as a good sign. Plus, who in their right mind would possibly want to delay summertime?!

Maybe It's Because You're Irish

I've finally uncovered the reason why I am powerless in resisting the lure of potatoes in any shape or form...it's because I'm Irish.

I'VE BEEN ACCEPTED...

...TO THE OHIO STATE SCHOOL OF NURSING! BOOM.

My life...

As sad, fucked up, crazy, awkward, and weird it can often be...I would never trade it.

I am continually learning from my mistakes and, honestly, I'm enjoying every second of the sometimes painful process. I actually like that, when I think I've got it all figured out, I really haven't got a clue. And I probably never will. I'm learning to live with that.

Right now I'm 19 years old and I feel like I'm enjoying my life as best as I know how. I'm doing the things that I want to do (and still I haven't even skimmed the surface).

I am still incredibly stupid, naive, selfish, immature, and oblivious, but I'm happy. That's all I could want for myself right now.

Why do women cry more than men?

Because the lacrimal bone, found in the orbit of the eye, is smaller in women than in men.

Tears, which are formed in the lacrimal sac, drain into the nasal cavity via the lacrimal duct. This duct is narrower in women than in men. Which explains why a woman's tears seem to overflow uncontrollably. And why men just seem to get the sniffles.

So it's actually more about science than manliness.

"You got to steal the time from a life that's passing by..."

My friend got me Third Eye Blind concert tickets for my birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Are we human or are we dancer?"

I was born 19 years ago today! During the halftime of an NBA playoff game, according to my dad.

Here are some pictures from the freaking awesome Killers concert last night (which was a much better way to ring in my birthday than last year when I was studying for the IB History exam)...