"He likes 'Danny.'"

Daniel, Dan, Danny. "He likes 'Danny,'" his nurse said, stroking Danny's brown hair.

Two weeks ago, Danny was in a sledding accident. Now he is a quadriplegic. He is 16 years old.

Before the accident, Danny played as a center on his high school football team. His team finished in the Top 8 in the state. "Do you have a girlfriend?" my instructor Diane asked. Danny shook his head, no. A typical 16-year-old boy.

Today, during clinical, I was taking care of his tracheotomy--a tube that goes into the trachea, allowing Danny to breathe but preventing him from being able to speak. He could only shake his head yes, no and mouth silent words.

Two weeks ago, Danny was a normal teenager. Today I had to stick a suctioning tube down into his lungs to suck out excessive secretions, helping clear his airway. As you can imagine, having a tube jammed down your windpipe is not a pleasant experience. Danny had tears in his eyes from the force of coughing. "It's almost over, Danny," I consoled him, "You're doing awesome."

Later that day, one of the other nursing students in my clinical group "cath-ed" Danny, meaning she inserted a tube into his bladder that will allow him to urinate.

He can't move his limbs, can't communicate, and he has to pee in a bag. And he's just a 16-year-old boy.

I wish Danny the very best. And I truly appreciate him allowing students to practice and learn vital nursing skills on him--turning his tragedy into at least something very small.

Katydid, the hiatus is over!

Oh, hey again. It's been a while.

A lot has happened in the past three weeks...one day I need to write a post that isn't just a random assortment of Emily life things...

-I hung up Time magazine's cover story on Haiti on the wall above my desk. I put it there so I can always be reminded how extremely, remarkably, unfairly fortunate I am and that it is my duty to help people like the Haitians. And one day I very well will travel to Haiti to help because they're going to be rebuilding for a long, long time.

-I decided yesterday I'm going to apply to work at St. Jude Children's Research Hospital in Memphis (Disneyland in hospital form) after I graduate, make some money, then travel and nurse around the world. Good plan, huh?

-I had a very exciting day in the hospital last week during my clinical. My patient was a 58-year-old woman (although she looked to be 88) who was usually quiet but her one-liners were hysterical. She was extremely patient with me and willing to help me practice my skills. I inserted a foley catheter (a tube that goes through the urethra into the bladder) while practicing sterile technique (maintaining a sterile field is probably the hardest part). Later that day, I measured, cleaned and packed a wound. I felt like a real nurse.

-I'm obsessed with Vampire Weekend's new CD, Contra.

-We were blessed with 31 beautiful "baby" Tri-Deltas after Rush this year. Recruiting took up about 96.7% of my time over the past two weekends. Glad it's over but well worth it.

-A friend in Delta Sigma Theta, one of the black sororities on campus, asked me to participate on a panel for their program, A Day in the Life of a Diabetic. Along with a Delta Sigma Theta graduate with type 2 diabetes, we answered questions for the women in the sorority. It was a lot of fun and I really enjoyed it. It got me thinking about speaking publicly to more people about type 1 diabetes...

-Still not on the insulin pump although the pump, supplies and insulin are all waiting for me at home. Very frustrating.

-I've sent out half my fundraising letters for my trip to Belize. I'm stamping and sending the next half tomorrow. It's two months away! The first time in my life crossing the borders of the United States.

-I'm going to start writing here as often as I can. I miss this. Well, I miss writing real posts...not this cop-out of a post.

-It is fucking cold outside. The end.

Random and choppy is the best I can do

-Auditioned for Women's Glee Club and even after two years without exercising my vocal chords, they offered me a spot! Soprano 2. What what.

-Classes suck. Except for Music 203.05 aka Women's Glee Club.

-It's cold as fuck and I forgot my gloves in the jacket I forgot at home. Genius.

-I can't fall asleep because I took a two-hour nap after class today. It was my first day back in clinical and with a new instructor (she drills us harder than my former clinical instructor, which I appreciate). I had an inexplicably low blood sugar of 38 (think death--I want my blood sugar to be around, like, 100) followed by a blood sugar of 56. So I wasn't allowed to do much in the hospital today. I felt beyond useless.

-After a bad day of being glove-less, useless, and sugar-less, I came home to a beautiful bouquet of flowers from Trevor (picture at the top). It's our six month anniversary today. Instant mood uplifted.

-Because I can't sleep, I decorated my room with photos of my family. For Christmas, Dad divided up his vast collection of pictures between Abby, Seth, Sarah and I. I have photos of Grandpa in his military uniform in 1944, Grandma with friends, Mom's mother Nonny holding baby Sarah, uncles and Dad as little boys, Mom in Italy as a teenager, Mom and Dad at their wedding and tons of pictures of the four of us kids growing up. I put a collage of these random pictures on my dresser under the glass covering and tacked some onto the cork board on my desk.



-Back on Twitter. Not regretting it.

-I love Miike Snow for some reason.

-These next several weeks are filled with lots of Glee Club, sorority recruitment, training sessions to be a leader for MLK Day of Service (more about that later), more recruitment, recruitment workshops, more rehearsals, Belize meetings, and studying. And maybe some living free of commitments and responsibilities. Yeah, right...

Hello Again Insulin Pump

About a week ago, I decided to go back on the insulin pump. We're beginning the process and I'm really excited. It's been three years since I went off pump therapy and returned to injections. But now I think I'm ready to go back.

Nursing school is making me a better diabetic. Mostly because it's instilling the fear of God in me. During clinical yesterday, I had a 55-year-old patient (who looked 75) with a host of problems, including type 2 diabetes. It's terrifying to see firsthand the complications these patients suffer.

Yesterday was really overwhelming. I cried several times throughout the day without a real reason as to why. I've been having trouble coping with seeing such sick, sad people in the hospital. My patient was incredibly obese, he had been in a hospital bed for over a month after back surgery (so he had developed pressure ulcers on his back), he had osteomyelitis (infection of the bone), MRSA and his right lower leg was blackish-purple (maybe caused by diabetes). He was agitated and rude to the PCA. Although, he was nice to me.

When I see patients like this, I feel haunted by the thought of a life being diminished to nothing but lying immobile in a hospital bed, people constantly feeling sorry for you and being afraid of you. I just kept thinking, "What is this man's life, if anything?"

For the bad moments, however, there are also good moments in the hospital. Such as the 91-year-old who serenaded my other clinical partners and claimed, "They told me to watch out; they put all of the pretty girls in red!"

This has been really hard but I know I can handle it.

Anyway, I should be back on the insulin pump in a month or two. I really can't wait.

I want to worry less about diabetes complications. Oh, and I want to take 12 injections a month rather than 120!

P.S. This is my 200th post!

Nursing Ups and Downs

I had my second clinical in the hospital yesterday. And, let me tell you, this week's clinical was much much more challenging than last week's.

My patient was a 64-year-old woman with encephalopathy (general brain dysfunction), aphasia (impairment of ability to communicate), schizophrenia and a number of other medical problems (obesity, hypertension, use of feeding tube). She's lived in an extended care facility for several years. The reason she was admitted to the hospital, however, was for a dislodged nephrostomy tube (which are tubes going into her kidneys to relieve her hydronephrosis and urosepsis). Somehow her left nephrostomy tube was dislodged the night before so it needed to be replaced.

Our responsibility was to change her bed linens and to give a full bed bath. The tube in her back, in addition to the pressure ulcers on her coccyx, caused her a lot of pain whenever we turned her. So she would moan, scream and mumble incomprehensibly whenever moved. It was extremely difficult to turn her due to her weight, as well. We managed to get everything done successfully but I couldn't help feeling sympathy for this woman's condition. It was a very depressing case but still one that I needed to witness and experience.

Today was way better. I went to an informational meeting for the Project Lazarus New Orleans trip I'm going on in December. I got to meet the five other participants (the sixth is one of my sorority sisters), our two group leaders and our advisor. All of them seem so enthusiastic and easy to get along with. A member of the Columbus AIDS Task Force came to speak to us since we will be working with HIV/AIDS patients at the hospice. He was extremely blunt about HIV/AIDS and we had open discussions about the difference between HIV and AIDS, what the illness looks like, sex, sexuality, misconceptions, contraception, prevention, etc. It was a very interesting dialogue and I'm looking forward to working with and learning more from the people living at the facility. I'm also really excited to explore the city of New Orleans! I couldn't stop smiling after the meeting because I can't wait to go--I know it's going to be an unforgettable trip. Who knows, maybe it will spur me to do something with HIV/AIDS in nursing in the future...

I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!

In my scrubs

This is my awesome clinical group! As you can see, we were practicing shaving on Pat.

New Orleans-Bound

A few weeks ago, I applied to go on an alternative winter break trip offered through Ohio State. For a week, students are sent to volunteer in areas throughout the United States for various organizations and causes. This year, there are ten different destinations and ten students are accepted to each trip (50 accepted to the Habitat for Humanity trip).

Today, I found out that I got accepted to my first choice!

The location I'll go to is Project Lazarus in New Orleans. Project Lazarus is a residential facility for people suffering with AIDS in the Gulf Coast region. The trip will only cost $185, which includes transportation and housing.

I'm so excited! I've always wanted to visit New Orleans and this will definitely be good experience for nursing. And good experience in general.

First Day as a Student Nurse

I had my first clinical in the hospital today...

My patient was a 55-year-old woman with pulmonary MAC (Mycobacterium avium complex) and pancolitis caused by C. diff . She also had COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease). My partner and I helped her with her bed bath, changed her linens and learned from the Patient Care Assistant (PSA) in charge (I never actually met the RN). Due to the C. diff, our patient was in contact isolation which meant we had to wear gowns and gloves. She showed us pictures of her granddaughters and told us about her daughters and how she was excited to go home today.

I learned about filling out patient charts and how to use the computers to look up labs and other data.

I had a low blood sugar at one point during the day, I think because I was sort of nervous. But it was really exciting to finally be in the hospital, even doing the most menial tasks, and I'm looking forward to next week.

Kidney Punch

Last night, the boyfriend drove me to Urgent Care for a UTI/kidney infection. It was really cute (not the infection, but the fact that he was taking care of me when I was too stressed to take care of myself). He's also bugging me about checking my blood sugars more often which I actually appreciate. Because my blood sugar numbers have been crap lately. So things are going well on the relationship front and improving on the health front.

The reason I was so incredibly stressed was because I had a big exam and a quiz this week. But I survived my first exam in the School of Nursing! For Nursing 385: Integrated Sciences for Nursing Practice--a class that had only 5 or 6 A's last year out of 166. I got a B+ and I was only one question away from getting an A!

The midterm covered pathophysiology and pharmacology which are subjects that I find really interesting. We learned about the Therapeutic Index (it determines whether a drug is more therapeutic or more toxic to the population), IV fluids, fluid and electrolyte imbalances (like hyperkalemia which is too much potassium in the body), pharmacokinetics, etc.

My next big midterm is Wednesday in Nursing 301: Foundational Nursing Concepts. I think it's going to be more challenging because we've covered a lot of extremely broad material regarding hygiene, mobility, and safety.

Although this week was long and busy and stressful--studying, sorority recruitment, Triathlon Club, kidney infection and all--I'm really happy with the way things are going. Yay, sophomore year.

...Now let the weekend finally begin!

OSU Nursing Class of '12

Tomorrow, I'll officially be a sophomore in the Ohio State School of Nursing.

I am so incredibly excited. I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight.

I got my Ohio State University College of Nursing badge to wear on my scrubs. I've got my purple stethoscope (although I won't need to use it for a while). My iPod Touch is synced with all my nursing school applications. I've got my first clinical in four weeks--in GI and Infection.

I'm going to be a student nurse.

Damn.

Sex on Fire

A few things...

-I'm finally back at school! And getting back into a routine. I absolutely love being back here.

-I got free tickets to the Kings of Leon concert this Wednesday night. Thank you, Ohio State!

-I have so much faith in the Cincinnati Bengals that people (non-Cincinnatians and Cincinnatians alike) frequently laugh in my face. But I firmly believe that we have talent and heart that will make us a threat this season--and I will argue that until I'm blue in the face. Seeing them win against the Packers yesterday made me beyond, beyond happy.

-Living in the sorority house has turned out better than I could have ever expected. There is always something going on, someone to talk to, someone you can get to know better, someone to watch Little Miss Sunshine with, or someone to order Insomnia Cookies (Double Chocolate Chunk, if you wanted to know my favorite) with at 11 at night. And there is always time for myself, too.

-I've been watching Glee and Community on Hulu and I'm very impressed. Community, especially, had me really laughing out loud. I have yet to watch the second season of True Blood because I was busy re-watching the first season with the boyfriend. But I'll get around to it eventually.

-I have sophomore orientation for nursing tomorrow and classes start on Wednesday. My life is about to get 100 times harder...

$$$$

I have watched so much money disappear today on...

-Kid Cudi's new CD
-A new phone (although I came home and immediately sent in that mail-in rebate)
-Printing documents at Kinko's
-Toiletries and supplies for school--shampoo, conditioner, Neutrogena SPF 15 moisturizer, John Freida Dream Curls spray, Dove soap, headbands, printer paper, notebook paper, pens, pencils, Post-Its, staples, a planner, a calendar, a file organizer thing, etc.
-Housing for Tri-Delta
-A Microbiology 509 laboratory manual
-Chipotle for the family

And that is just in one day! And only what I can remember off the top of my head.

I still have to get my haircut, buy printer ink and white shoes for clinicals, and pay for a drug screen, hospital ID badge, the Kaplan Nursing Diagnostic Testing, and course packets for Nursing 301.01 and Nursing 385.01. Oh, and I can't forget about those ridiculously overpriced textbooks.

It makes me so incredibly grateful for my parents and their support. I can not even begin to imagine paying for everything by myself (like the $190 medical bill we received today for some blood work I needed for nursing school). I see how they've allowed me to follow my very expensive dreams and ambitions.

I love ya, Mom and Dad.

The Good

I strongly believe that out of bad, there can come good. And I saw it this week...

Friday, my sister Sarah had coffee with my Nurse Practitioner, Shannon. Shannon has been my NP at Children's Hospital since I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and, every three months for the past four years, I've seen either her or my endocrinologist (my favorite endocrinologist, Dr. R., however, was recently offered a job as Head of Endocrinology at another children's hospital so he'll be leaving me). My sister was meeting with Shannon this week to discuss Yale--Shannon graduated from Yale's Nurse Practitioner program and became the influence and encouragement for my sister to apply there, as well.

So, I became a diabetic >> I met Shannon >> Sarah met Shannon >> Shannon gave Sarah the courage to apply to Yale >> Sarah grew some balls, applied and was accepted. And come Fall, she's going to go through a great program that will help to make her an awesome NP one day.

"Well, keeps life interesting"

I've been meaning to write something on here but this week has been sort of a whirlwind (in a good way). So, here are some random tidbits...

-I just purchased my red scrubs, a purple Classic II S.E. stethoscope, penlight, bandage scissors, clipboard with calculator, reflex hammer, blood pressure cuff, Kelly clamp and EKG calipers for nursing school. I don't even know what the hell those last two items are...but I'm so stoked! Everything is coming together.

-Muscular Dystrophy summer camps nationwide have been canceled due to 11 cases of swine flu in three of the camps. It's really disappointing that I won't get to work there this summer but there's always next year. Really, I'd probably be a million times more disappointed if diabetes summer camp was the one getting canceled.

-I really really like Regina Spektor's new CD, Far. I've listened to "Genius Next Door" ten times already.

-The choir director at our church invited me to sing a solo for an upcoming service. I'm simultaneously terrified and excited. I haven't sung in front of people in over a year. But, if a singer is one of the things I want to be when I grow up, I better start somewhere.

-I love how many different friends I've gotten the chance to hang out with so far this summer. It does, however, make me miss my friends from school.

-Our Chicago road trip plans to visit Katydid are shaping up! Needless to say, it's going to be epic.

-The Resident Home Corporation, where I was planning to work this summer, informed me that they do not have any positions available right now. But they will try to call me when something opens up. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

-Since I'm no longer working at MD camp next week, we're trying to plan a camping trip to Red River Gorge in Kentucky. I can't wait go fishing and hiking and swimming and cabrewing!

-The title of this post comes from a quote from my mom...

"Guess who's coming into town for the week?" I asked her one afternoon earlier this week as we sat at the kitchen table.
"Who?"
I paused, "Adam."
"Well, keeps life interesting," she replied simply.

And I realized that that's all there is to it. Everything that happens to us, whether seemingly bad (like an ex-boyfriend in the military coming into town unexpectedly) or good (like getting drunk off wine in your backyard with some good friends), is keeping us from being bored out of our minds. We're just trying to keep our lives interesting. Otherwise, what's the point?

I Need...A What?!

I received my admission packet to the BSN (Bachelor of Science in Nursing) program today! It's just a bunch of information on clinical compliance, immunizations, background checks, drug screening, and ordering medical equipment and scrubs. I kind of knew the drill.

What I was unaware of, however, was this: "The College of Nursing requires all undergraduate AND Graduate Entry students to have an iPod Touch or compatible mobile device for use in classroom and clinical settings by the beginning of AUTUMN Quarter."

Excuse me?! Uh, shit.

I see this dream is going to be an expensive one.

Nurse Jackie

The show, Nurse Jackie, has been getting a lot of shit from the American Nurses Association. People (nurses) are offended by the "negative" portrayal of nurses on the television show; Jackie abuses drugs and cheats on her husband with a man at work (who is the one giving her the drugs). One concern of the ANA is that "the growing [nursing] shortage is exacerbated by the fact that young men and women are choosing other professions instead of nursing, in part because of the negative and often denigrating portrayal of nursing perpetuated in the media."

So I watched the first episode today. And, you know, I thought it was really well-done. And, hey, I didn't go straight to my nursing adviser to quit the program. Nurse Jackie is a television show that's more about a human being than a nurse. In the first episode, she kind of reminds me of Robin Hood; she feels guilt over a patient who dies, comforts the pregnant girlfriend of that dead guy, flushes an ear down the toilet that belongs to a man who nearly murdered a prostitute (rather than allow them to reattach it), and steals the wealthy earless guy's money to give to the dead guy's pregnant girlfriend. It's fucked up but I like her; she's brilliant and fierce. And not as annoying as Dr. House.

Now, if Showtime had a show portraying Nurse Jackie as this perfect, moral, lovely angel, then I might reconsider nursing as a career...

!!!!!!

Over the summer, I have to purchase a stethoscope for nursing school in the fall. And look, I can pick one in any color! I'm so excited to rock my red scrubs and my stethoscope (red or purple?!) next year. And not only to look like a nursing student but to become one, too.

I would like to expand more on how all of this makes me feel...but all I can say is that I feel excitement and anticipation and happiness. Plain and simple. So, actually, I guess it's pretty clear. You don't need any more explanation than that.

I can't fucking wait.

A random assortment of thoughts

-I'm literally melting in my dorm due to the lack of air conditioning. And it's only going to get worse in the next two weeks. Thanks, Ohio State Housing Department. Fuckers.

-Tomorrow, the Nursing Council is having a pizza party for the newly accepted students. One of my really good friends has not yet been accepted or denied to the program. Which is, in my opinion, absolute bull shit. I can guarantee that many people with higher GPA's (including myself) will not put as much heart into nursing as Jenny will. She's got the personality, the heart and the drive for it--so why the hell does a Chemistry grade get to determine everything?

-For MD (Muscular Dystrophy) camp this summer, I'm given responsibility of an individual camper. I recently received her basic information from my camp director. Her name is Jessica and she's 15-years-old. Interests and hobbies include swimming, horseback riding, canoeing, reading, video games and friends. Needs assistance with stairs, standing and transfer. Has a powered wheelchair and has occasional chocking problems.

I have her phone number so I can contact her parents to introduce myself and address any special needs. But, for some reason, I keep chickening out every time I reach for the phone. I'm terribly nervous and I can't understand why. I guess I feel inexperienced when I know I shouldn't. I've dealt with hypoglycemic attacks at three in the morning at diabetes camp. But I've never worked with someone who has a physical disability--especially at such a young age. I'm just afraid that I won't be knowledgeable or fun enough...

-Friends getting drunk on Tuesday nights and leaving video messages on your Facebook is extremely entertaining. I love video messages!

-I have a monster bruise and massive scar tissue build-up on each thigh from giving insulin shots there too often. But it's my favorite spot. Fuck my life.

-Uncle Tim and Dad have officially decided to ride their bikes across the country together (third time for Pops) in the summer of 2010. Tim will be raising money for his food banks in California while Dad will be raising money for JDRF (Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation) again. I'm really excited for both of them!

-Another Glendale Girl wedding is taking place on June 19. Danielle and Dan are getting ready to tie the knot. If one of the girls in my sorority can lend me an ID for the evening, I might get to go to the Bachelorette Party next Saturday!

-If you want to be creeped out by a piece of music, listen to Penderecki's "Threnody to the Victims of Hiroshima." It sounds like it inspired the music for The Shining or something. Penderecki meant for it to sound like an atomic bomb going off. I kind of hate it and appreciate it at the same time.

-I am going through a phase where I hate every song on my iTunes. Any suggestions for good music?

I'VE BEEN ACCEPTED...

...TO THE OHIO STATE SCHOOL OF NURSING! BOOM.

A few reasons to be happy...

-In a little over a week, I will be flying to San Antonio to see Adam! I haven't seen him since January 2nd.

-I got the job interview with the Resident Home Corporation. Hopefully, I nail it! I'm nervous.

-I'm getting the opportunity to shadow a Pediatric Occupational Therapist at Cincinnati Children's Hospital over the break. I want to see what it's like--because, right now, I'm considering getting my Master's degree for either Nursing or Occupational Therapy.

-New music: Kelly Clarkson's CD "All I Ever Wanted" and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs' CD "It's Blitz!"

-Running seven miles with no problems--other than some minor aches in my knees and hips. I'm right on track for the half-marathon in May!

-Next Thursday, at 1:18 PM, I will officially be done with General Chemistry. Next quarter, I'm taking Introduction to Public Health (for my PH minor), Anatomy, English 110 and Cultural Anthropology. Nineteen credit hours is heavy, but every subject interests me so I don't mind.

-I have gained more strength, I realize, to stand up to people for what I believe. Even when it's a person I love. And when that is the very hardest.