A Sun-Drenched Elsewhere

The title of my post comes from a quote by Isabelle Eberhardt, "Now more than ever do I realize that I shall never be content with a sedentary life, and that I shall always be haunted by thoughts of a sun-drenched elsewhere."

The other night, I lay wide awake in my bed, "haunted" by images of my own "sun-drenched elsewhere." From my bed, I was gazing out over Yosemite Valley - the majestic rock faces, the cascading waterfalls, the endlessness - and feeling the sweat and summer sun on my face. Now I can't stop turning the scene over and over in my mind...

Eberhardt's quote scares the shit out of me. Because I feel the exact same way. It sounds crazy and I can't explain it...but this has me imagining an alternate life for myself. One in which I am not a nurse in a hospital. Rather, I am living and working in that beautiful "sun-drenched elsewhere." Perhaps I am trying to preserve it. What if that made me happier? What if I decided to help Mother Nature rather than mothers-to-be? Would that make me a coward or a bad person?

I feel incredibly torn and weird and idiotic but I can't ignore all of these what if's and why not's circling around in my head.

So on a very unusual whim that night, without thinking anything through at all, I applied to summer jobs in all of these places:

• Mount Rainier National Park - Washington
• Isle Royale National Park - Michigan
• Voyageurs National Park - Minnesota
• Mesa Verde National Park - Colorado
• Yellowstone National Park - Wyoming
• Acadia National Park - Maine
• Ace Adventure Center - West Virginia
• Basin Harbor Club - Vermont
• Iroquois Hotel and The Island House - Mackinac Island
  
• Yosemite National Park - California

And my only justification for my strange behavior is yet another quote...this one belonging to Mark Twain:

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did.
So throw off the bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover."

Find out what you are or what you aren't

I'm applying for a job with the Resident Home Corporation (RHC) which is an organization that provides living, educational and other support services to people with developmental disabilities in my county. I highly doubt they will want to hire a seasonal employee...but I'm going to send in my resume anyways. Just to see what happens. (By the way, I wrote my first cover letter...it was pretty intimidating.)

As I continue my exhausting search for a summer job, I become more and more opposed to the idea of working a worthless job. Not to knock any occupation out there...but I would much rather do something that's meaningful to what I want to do in the future. Or, on the more negative but still practical flip side, I would rather find out now if I am unable to handle the challenges of helping people and of nursing.

I want to know whether or not I'm strong enough for this.