Nurse Jackie

The show, Nurse Jackie, has been getting a lot of shit from the American Nurses Association. People (nurses) are offended by the "negative" portrayal of nurses on the television show; Jackie abuses drugs and cheats on her husband with a man at work (who is the one giving her the drugs). One concern of the ANA is that "the growing [nursing] shortage is exacerbated by the fact that young men and women are choosing other professions instead of nursing, in part because of the negative and often denigrating portrayal of nursing perpetuated in the media."

So I watched the first episode today. And, you know, I thought it was really well-done. And, hey, I didn't go straight to my nursing adviser to quit the program. Nurse Jackie is a television show that's more about a human being than a nurse. In the first episode, she kind of reminds me of Robin Hood; she feels guilt over a patient who dies, comforts the pregnant girlfriend of that dead guy, flushes an ear down the toilet that belongs to a man who nearly murdered a prostitute (rather than allow them to reattach it), and steals the wealthy earless guy's money to give to the dead guy's pregnant girlfriend. It's fucked up but I like her; she's brilliant and fierce. And not as annoying as Dr. House.

Now, if Showtime had a show portraying Nurse Jackie as this perfect, moral, lovely angel, then I might reconsider nursing as a career...

I Feel Like Crap

I haven't run in a week. And in the past week, my blood sugars have been terrible (and I do mean terrible) and I've been incredibly anxious. I feel like crap right now; mentally, physically and emotionally.

I think my limbs are ready for a really long, fast run tomorrow...

It is my last Saturday night...

...in the Park Hall Penthouse.

It's a sad, sad day.

But nothing Corona and good friends can't fix!

Have a great weekend.

Open Up

Today, I was reading through my old (and really old) blog posts and I realized that lately I haven't been nearly as narcissistic and open as I once was. A year ago (I can't believe this blog will be a year old on June 10), I would openly talk about my feelings and my personal life even when I was at my lowest, at my most angry, at my most depressed. At times when I probably looked like the worst person in the world or at other times, the most pathetic. But it helped me a lot to have a forum where I could be open and honest with myself.

But in the past few weeks, I haven't even attempted to explain what is going on in my life--the really important, emotional, heavy stuff--and I know a part of that is because a number of people close to me (and not that close) have gotten blogs, and whether or not they read my posts at all, I still feel exposed. And a subsection to the reason behind my lack of openness is that, to be truthful (that's a start), I haven't been on my best behavior. So it's kind of frightening for me to put everything out there. I mean, don't get me wrong, a lot of great things are happening to me, too. But still I hesitate to expand on them.

However, my mind's been so jumbled lately because I haven't been writing honestly and, as a result, I've not been able to make sense of some things. And, for me, writing is the only medium through which I feel I can best express myself. I don't really like talking out loud; writing is so much easier. So here's a start...

I never really explained that Adam and I broke up and, although, it's rough I know it's right.

I never talked about bursting into tears at my kitchen counter while reading about a nine-year-old who was blind from diabetes complications.

I never talked about kissing my best friend up here, or going on a date with him, and yet having no idea how I truly feel.

Or continuing to date (no, I should say, string along) another friend here when I didn't return any feelings for him at all.

Or that I'll probably get a B in Anatomy and I'm okay with that.

Or that I want to get another tattoo down my ribs that says, "Every road is a ray of light," because I don't believe in right or wrong decisions; every decision you make is going to lead you somewhere or teach you something that you'll appreciate in the end.

Or that Jody, whose husband of 42 years, Larry, passed away before my birthday, had said Larry was her soulmate and her words make me want to believe in soulmates so badly.

Or that I saw Up and although I didn't like it as much as the other Disney/Pixar movies, Carl and Russel are my favorite duo in history.

I never talked about having a rekindled crush on a crush from high school.

Or that I'm terrified I'm going to hate being a nurse.

Or that I've had the inexplicable urge recently to do something really crazy. Like sky diving...uh, but a little less crazy. I'm still thinking on it.

Okay, that was a pretty half-assed attempt at being honest and open but I do feel a little relieved. This seems like plenty of openness for today. Maybe later I'll get around to forming some cohesive sentences that go together, rather than throwing out this jumble of random thoughts...I'm just going to post this now.

Viva la Vida and Vagina

Coldplay concert tonight!!!!!

Driving to Cincinnati with my roommate, Kelly, for the concert and then driving straight back to Columbus for my Anatomy final exam tomorrow.

I'm going to have to quiz myself throughout the car ride and the night... What is the blood flow to the kidney? What is the flow of pancreatic juice to the duodenum of the small intestine? What is the flow of sperm from the seminiferous tubules?

Nothing like listening to Coldplay and studying the structures of the female reproductive system.

Have a great weekend!

!!!!!!

Over the summer, I have to purchase a stethoscope for nursing school in the fall. And look, I can pick one in any color! I'm so excited to rock my red scrubs and my stethoscope (red or purple?!) next year. And not only to look like a nursing student but to become one, too.

I would like to expand more on how all of this makes me feel...but all I can say is that I feel excitement and anticipation and happiness. Plain and simple. So, actually, I guess it's pretty clear. You don't need any more explanation than that.

I can't fucking wait.

Kingdom of Rust

Love this song and this video.

A random assortment of thoughts

-I'm literally melting in my dorm due to the lack of air conditioning. And it's only going to get worse in the next two weeks. Thanks, Ohio State Housing Department. Fuckers.

-Tomorrow, the Nursing Council is having a pizza party for the newly accepted students. One of my really good friends has not yet been accepted or denied to the program. Which is, in my opinion, absolute bull shit. I can guarantee that many people with higher GPA's (including myself) will not put as much heart into nursing as Jenny will. She's got the personality, the heart and the drive for it--so why the hell does a Chemistry grade get to determine everything?

-For MD (Muscular Dystrophy) camp this summer, I'm given responsibility of an individual camper. I recently received her basic information from my camp director. Her name is Jessica and she's 15-years-old. Interests and hobbies include swimming, horseback riding, canoeing, reading, video games and friends. Needs assistance with stairs, standing and transfer. Has a powered wheelchair and has occasional chocking problems.

I have her phone number so I can contact her parents to introduce myself and address any special needs. But, for some reason, I keep chickening out every time I reach for the phone. I'm terribly nervous and I can't understand why. I guess I feel inexperienced when I know I shouldn't. I've dealt with hypoglycemic attacks at three in the morning at diabetes camp. But I've never worked with someone who has a physical disability--especially at such a young age. I'm just afraid that I won't be knowledgeable or fun enough...

-Friends getting drunk on Tuesday nights and leaving video messages on your Facebook is extremely entertaining. I love video messages!

-I have a monster bruise and massive scar tissue build-up on each thigh from giving insulin shots there too often. But it's my favorite spot. Fuck my life.

-Uncle Tim and Dad have officially decided to ride their bikes across the country together (third time for Pops) in the summer of 2010. Tim will be raising money for his food banks in California while Dad will be raising money for JDRF (Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation) again. I'm really excited for both of them!

-Another Glendale Girl wedding is taking place on June 19. Danielle and Dan are getting ready to tie the knot. If one of the girls in my sorority can lend me an ID for the evening, I might get to go to the Bachelorette Party next Saturday!

-If you want to be creeped out by a piece of music, listen to Penderecki's "Threnody to the Victims of Hiroshima." It sounds like it inspired the music for The Shining or something. Penderecki meant for it to sound like an atomic bomb going off. I kind of hate it and appreciate it at the same time.

-I am going through a phase where I hate every song on my iTunes. Any suggestions for good music?

Faster

The Third Eye Blind concert was amazing last night. They played "Faster," which is where the name of this blog came from.

Now, I'm headed home to Cincinnati for the weekend! I've missed it.

4'33"

Today, in my classical music class, we listened to John Cage's 1952 "composition," 4'33". The reason I place the word composition in quotations is because the piece is four minutes and 33 seconds of silence. He didn't compose anything. He wanted the silence--or the daily sounds going on around you--to be the music. So we listened to some jack hammering, creaky desks, birds chirping, etc.

Cage was a very strange composer (he was big on this thing called "prepared piano," which is where you stick random things in between the strings in order to produce weird ass noises).

I don't know how I feel about the avant-garde, experimental composers yet, I'm still deciding...

Google is so clever

Wouldn't you love to be the guy/girl who gets to think up and create those clever Google graphics on the home page--such as the one that appeared today?

I'll take it as a good sign

Three weeks of classes left and one week of exams until summer. I take my last final on Wednesday June 10 but I'm planning to stay with everyone on my floor until Friday.

I'm having mixed emotions about it all. On the one hand, I'm incredibly excited to hang out with my friends in Cincinnati but, on the other hand, I'm really going to miss all of my friends in Columbus (and from all over).

I just have to remind myself that this is not a bad thing; it only means that I'm really happy with where I am. I'll take it as a good sign. Plus, who in their right mind would possibly want to delay summertime?!

Maybe It's Because You're Irish

I've finally uncovered the reason why I am powerless in resisting the lure of potatoes in any shape or form...it's because I'm Irish.

I'VE BEEN ACCEPTED...

...TO THE OHIO STATE SCHOOL OF NURSING! BOOM.

My life...

As sad, fucked up, crazy, awkward, and weird it can often be...I would never trade it.

I am continually learning from my mistakes and, honestly, I'm enjoying every second of the sometimes painful process. I actually like that, when I think I've got it all figured out, I really haven't got a clue. And I probably never will. I'm learning to live with that.

Right now I'm 19 years old and I feel like I'm enjoying my life as best as I know how. I'm doing the things that I want to do (and still I haven't even skimmed the surface).

I am still incredibly stupid, naive, selfish, immature, and oblivious, but I'm happy. That's all I could want for myself right now.

Why do women cry more than men?

Because the lacrimal bone, found in the orbit of the eye, is smaller in women than in men.

Tears, which are formed in the lacrimal sac, drain into the nasal cavity via the lacrimal duct. This duct is narrower in women than in men. Which explains why a woman's tears seem to overflow uncontrollably. And why men just seem to get the sniffles.

So it's actually more about science than manliness.

"You got to steal the time from a life that's passing by..."

My friend got me Third Eye Blind concert tickets for my birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Are we human or are we dancer?"

I was born 19 years ago today! During the halftime of an NBA playoff game, according to my dad.

Here are some pictures from the freaking awesome Killers concert last night (which was a much better way to ring in my birthday than last year when I was studying for the IB History exam)...

The Best Week Ever Continues...

...with The Killers concert tonight!

I love my life.

"This Swine Flew"

I finished my first half-marathon today! I feel incredible.

The Cincinnati Flying Pig started at 6:30 AM this morning and I finished in two hours and 30 minutes!

It was such an amazing experience. I had the chance to see some of my city's most beautiful areas (especially in Eden Park), thousands upon thousands of people rallying together (many dressed in wacky costumes) and a choir comprised entirely of the cutest red-suited old men (there were various entertainers scattered throughout the race course, including an Elvis impersonator). I raised money for several good causes, made Swine Flu jokes (hence the title of this post, which was written on the back of a woman's pink t-shirt and above her curly pig tail) and I did something I'm really proud of.

I'm ready for the next one. Seriously. After I take a 13.1 hour nap.

R.I.P. Larry Skrownek

I remember when you and Jody would catch me singing in the crab apple tree beside your house. Thank you for being a part of my childhood.

You will be missed.

The greatest birthday party ever...

...for real.

T.G.I.F. (sort of)

It's an incredibly bittersweet Friday. On the one hand, I'm so so so excited for my birthday party tonight, especially because Paige and Melissa are coming! And all of my friends will be under one roof (shout out to Katydid in Chicago). I'm done with my school week from hell--and I think I did well. Plus, I have a new dress and $200+ of booze.

On the other hand, however, my dad gave me really terrible news this morning. My next door neighbor at home, Larry, had his second serious stroke. They don't think he's going to make it this time. He's only five years older than my dad.

I asked my dad whether we should visit him in the hospital and he said it's likely Larry is on life support. God. I can't stop thinking about his wife, Jody, their five children and their eleven grandchildren who we spent Thanksgiving Eve with this year. I'm going to try not to worry about the family until I get back to Cincinnati tomorrow. I haven't lost faith yet.

Everyone have a good weekend and have fun! It's May! It's the best month out of the year, don't ya know?

"Random Tidbits"

Lots of random tidbits today...

-John Legend's music makes me happy.

-I'm sunburnt. Of course.

-A really great One Sentence story: "The day I lost my virginity was the day my Virgin Mobile cell phone broke."

-I miss soccer. Every person on my floor is either a softball or volleyball player, so no one will play with me. Although my friend, Nick, texted me this morning, saying, "Emily, you're going to be so pumped." I asked, "How come?" To which he replied, "On my way home last night, I found....a soccer ball!" I'm so excited!

-During my first quarter at Ohio State, I was advised not to take on a difficult course load during Spring Quarter. After spending 98% of this weekend outdoors enjoying the beautiful weather on the Oval, now I understand why.

-I hate the brachial plexus with a passion. There are far too many nerves needed to innervate your arm and forearm muscles.

-Avoid kiddie pools after you've been drinking. And don't let anyone convince you to bob for beers. It's really not a good idea.

-I recently discovered that my mom has not only mastered Facebook, but Facebook stalking, as well.

-Heavy Weights is arguably the best movie ever. Who knew Judd Apatow wrote and produced it?! My favorite quote: "Someone once said, 'War is hell.' Well, they've never been to fat camp."

-I just IMDB'd the Heavy Weight main character, Gerry, to see where he ended up. And, holy shit, he is sexy!

-I've found the one way to be unproductively productive. In that I have completed every assignment in every class...in order to avoid studying for Anatomy.

-Ohio State's University Housing sent me a $200 check for overcharging my dad. He's letting me keep it...and unwittingly financing my birthday party on Friday. I feel bad.

-My roommate and several girls on my floor received their acceptance into the nursing program on Friday! I still have not been accepted but I haven't been denied either. Although I'm still unsure whether I want to do it. We'll see.

-Please watch this "I love Jesus but I drink a little" video, featuring 88-year-old Gladys on the Ellen Degeneres Show. This is the kind of grandmother I want to become.

Worst Week Ever/Best Week Ever

This upcoming week, I'm looking forward to: an Anatomy quiz, an Anatomy exam over the entire upper limb, an American Landscape essay midterm, an American Landscape paper due and several big and important meetings.

The week after, I'm looking forward to: my birthday bash (cleverly titled in Facebook Events as "Drinking with Diabetics: Emily and Brandon's Birthday Party"), the Flying Pig half-marathon in Cincinnati (I tried without success to find a graphic of a runner sprawled out across the pavement to convey what I will look like), hanging out with my family, The Killers concert, my 19th birthday and Greek Week!

So the potentially best week of my life will be following one of my most hellish! The hardships will probably make it ten times more rewarding and, thus, exponentially more awesome (I hope).

Have a good weekend! I'll be in the library the whole time.

Happy Earth Day

This week, I've seen blue skies, the blackest rain clouds, sunshine, downpours, hail, and two rainbows. Mother Nature is a bit schizophrenic but I love her.

I met Fluffy, a 24-foot python

A highly random assortment of pictures depicting the events of the weekend, in absolutely no order at all. I'm not feeling very loquacious so I'll allow the photos to speak for themselves...

I want to be her...

I love Norah Jones. She is beautiful and she has a phenomenal voice. If I could switch lives for a day, I would definitely choose hers.

Here she's singing "Cold Cold Heart"...

Skeleton #2

Did you know that you shed your skeleton every ten years? Which means, next year, I'll be on my second. Weird.

Also, I still have yet to feel comfortable viewing cadavers in Anatomy lab. Yesterday, I got slightly queasy while my group was studying a cadaver in supine position (face up). Not to sound disrespectful...but it kind of feels like I'm in the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie. It's definitely going to take some more getting used to.