Negative Positive

I've decided that I want to run a half-marathon at the end of the summer. That is 13 miles. That is going to be hard. But I need to learn a few things: for instance, discipline, patience, and dedication. For those are the virtues I lack when it comes to relationships...so maybe I can attain them through busting my ass in a race. I'm very certain that I'm in over my head...but I need something to focus my time and energy on. Plus, the physical pain is a good distraction from the emotional pain I've been experiencing lately (I apologize for sounding like a crazy self-mutilator). Running a half-marathon would not only be a great accomplishment I could brag about for forever ("Run a 5K? Psh, too easy, I can run a half-marathon")...but it also gives me something to work toward in the future, a big ole' goal that I could reach and say, "Look what I can do...I can rise above." All of the negativity in my life can be transformed into energy that will fuel me toward finishing those 13 miles. I think I can do it.

Tomorrow I'll be going to freshman orientation for college. I feel nervous but excited at the same time. I'm afraid that I won't like anyone or I won't be able to schedule a class. I'm going over all of the bad scenarios I can think of because I have this theory that if you're expecting it, it won't happen. When I was younger, if my mom was only a little bit late, I would flip out, imagining that she had gotten into a horrible car accident. But even then, I could ease my worries by thinking about my theory. I'd think, that would be too big of a coincidence if the exact scene I invented would actually play out.

Okay, I'm really trying not to overthink and overanalyze everything. I just need to distract myself somehow because writing isn't helping!