Hello Again Insulin Pump

About a week ago, I decided to go back on the insulin pump. We're beginning the process and I'm really excited. It's been three years since I went off pump therapy and returned to injections. But now I think I'm ready to go back.

Nursing school is making me a better diabetic. Mostly because it's instilling the fear of God in me. During clinical yesterday, I had a 55-year-old patient (who looked 75) with a host of problems, including type 2 diabetes. It's terrifying to see firsthand the complications these patients suffer.

Yesterday was really overwhelming. I cried several times throughout the day without a real reason as to why. I've been having trouble coping with seeing such sick, sad people in the hospital. My patient was incredibly obese, he had been in a hospital bed for over a month after back surgery (so he had developed pressure ulcers on his back), he had osteomyelitis (infection of the bone), MRSA and his right lower leg was blackish-purple (maybe caused by diabetes). He was agitated and rude to the PCA. Although, he was nice to me.

When I see patients like this, I feel haunted by the thought of a life being diminished to nothing but lying immobile in a hospital bed, people constantly feeling sorry for you and being afraid of you. I just kept thinking, "What is this man's life, if anything?"

For the bad moments, however, there are also good moments in the hospital. Such as the 91-year-old who serenaded my other clinical partners and claimed, "They told me to watch out; they put all of the pretty girls in red!"

This has been really hard but I know I can handle it.

Anyway, I should be back on the insulin pump in a month or two. I really can't wait.

I want to worry less about diabetes complications. Oh, and I want to take 12 injections a month rather than 120!

P.S. This is my 200th post!