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Happy July 4th

I was looking through the pictures I've taken on my phone. It reminded me that this was one of the best years of my young life...

-Adam's bloody arm and floor (after he let me practice starting IVs on him)
-A view of the Ohio River and Northern Kentucky from Mt. Adams
-Group of drunk boys in a lake trying to lift a fallen lifeguard stand out of the water
-Kiddie pool filled with beers
-Bottle of Andre (a favorite of the Glendale Girls and myself)
-Me holding a Bengals shot glass (which I then sent in a text message to my father)
-A list of rules from the Rubgy house ("Don't break shit, Don't steal shit, Don't take a shit")
-The Block O pyrotechnics show from Best Day of Your Life
-Chagrin Falls in Cleveland (taken on our Women's Glee Club tour)
-My purple insulin pump right after I had gone back on it
-Quote in Entertainment Weekly from Modern Family's Manny: "You have a laugh that makes science lab seem like recess."
-"Bourbon, whiskey" written in my nursing notes
-Flowers from Trevor on my desk
-A shirt that says "Laissez les bons temps rouler" (Let the good times roll) in New Orleans
-House on 15th that won the Christmas lights contest
-View from our seats at Paul Brown Stadium
-The word "Love" etched onto a bathroom stall
-Electronic countdown clock to Christmas--96 days, 2 hours, 2 minutes and 123 seconds--in the men's soccer house (they get really hyped for Christmas because they throw a huge Christmas party every year)

Just a taste of all the shenanigans that took place over the past half a year.

Father's Day

Saw my brother for the first time in a couple months. He has a new girlfriend, Lisa, who is a nurse. One time she used the word, "distended" and he was like, "What the fuck?" The two of us laughed about "nurse talk." Jody came over; she comes over a lot ever since Larry died last year. Mugsy, her dog, comes over too and he is annoying as fuck. We all gathered for Father's Day; Abby called and then Sarah called Dad this morning. So much love in our family; I love it. Seth, Mom, Dad, Jody and I sat at the dinner table for a long time, just talking about everything. Tonight I passed on the cheesecake. Tomorrow I go to the hospital to find out my Hemoglobin a1c. Don't want to fuck anything up. No dessert, thanks. Mom tells a million stories about Seth and I growing up. Jody says, "Emily, you're such a classic beauty" and I don't know how to take a compliment. I laugh and thank Mom and Dad for my genes, I guess. Jody is a sculptor and she went to the Art Institute in Chicago. She tells me I have the same features of the women she's studied in portraits. I haven't showered since yesterday and my hair is tied back in a knot. What the fuck is she talking about? Artist talk. I hug Dad and tell him Happy Father's Day, I'm going to Hannah's. I grab a flashlight and start walking. Walking everywhere on campus is the only reason I didn't become obese at school so I figure I'll try to maintain that while I'm home. The night is hot but it's bearable. At Han's, we all sit on the porch, drinking beers and laughing and talking. I just think about how blessed I am. My insulin pump, which I'm wearing in my bra, keeps fucking beeping. I'm low on insulin. But I'm just going to ignore it and go to bed. I still think I'm lucky. Are "blessed" and "lucky" different? I don't know the difference...

I

I keep wondering to myself, "Where did this year go? How did it go by so quickly?" And then I remind myself, "Oh yeah, because I had a fucking blast."

Birthday

I'm 20 years old, it's beautiful outside, I got a 100% on my Nursing 385 midterm, Patricia made me chocolate cake with chocolate icing for dessert tonight and I've been getting loving all day.

Best day ever. And this weekend is only going to get better!

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Pumped

I'm back on the insulin pump!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it. Last time I was on the pump I had to apply numbing cream an hour before I manually inserted a huge needle into my skin. Now I have these things called MIOs where I can basically cock it back like a gun, press down and the needle shoots into my skin and the process is less painful and then it's over. Oh, and they're pink.

YESSSSSSSSSSSS!

Happiness

Today was one of those days where you're overflowing with happiness and you're so excited to be alive.

My favorite kind of day.

61

-I broached the subject of studying abroad in Australia with my mom today while we were walking Sadie around the neighborhood. She didn't respond with, "Sure! Go for it!" but she didn't shoot me down either. So that's good. Studying abroad is stupid expensive but I can't stop thinking about it.

-I sent out about 7,000 e-mails in the past two days. I e-mailed people about potential jobs, internships, volunteer opportunities and joining organizations. I really want to make some money (maybe to put toward studying abroad). And I really want to do some crazy shit for some reason. So I e-mailed the President of OSU's Mountaineering Club and I'm going to a meeting tomorrow at 8. Lately, I've also had a renewed desire to be a journalist. But I want to only interview people and tell their life stories. Every week, I spend so much time getting to know my patients in the hospital--basically interviewing them--and while I was in Belize, I met this amazing 78-some-year-old woman named Gertrude who I could've written a War and Peace sized book about. I want to write again, or something. I don't know how to organize and control my spontaneous impulses lately; I want to rock climb in Utah, learn how to Tango or Salsa dance, study abroad in Australia, write about people and sing a solo in front of an audience. Why not?

-Last night I hung out with three girls from my childhood. From 9 PM until 2:30 AM, we didn't stop talking. They were my best friends growing up and to see all of us together and grown now is still remarkable to me sometimes when I think about it. Although we lost almost all contact during high school, due in part to different schools and different grade levels and what not, I feel as if I can turn to them now more so than I can turn to people I considered my best friends in high school. It's so strange how that can happen.

-I didn't feel like writing about my wallet being stolen in Belize while I was volunteering. It wasn't robbed off of my person, thankfully, but it was taken from my bookbag when I wasn't around. I didn't get worked up about the incident when it happened in Belize because it just is what it is. All of its contents were replaceable. Shit happens. Well, tonight, I recieved a phone call from a woman who put me on the phone with her son in Belize. Her son then told me that he had found my wallet in Belize on the ground and he said some other things that I couldn't really understand through his thick accent. But this man told me that he had found my wallet but he had not returned it earlier because he had been shot. I told him I was sorry to hear that. He asked how he could get it back to me and I told him to send it to the address on my driver's license. Shortly after he told me he'd love to return it back to me, the phone call got cut off. I guess I'll be seeing my long lost wallet again. Thanks, dude.

-I will be back on the Medtronic MiniMed insulin pump a week from tomorrow. It's been three-ish years since I've been hooked up to an insulin pump. Yesterday Mom and I went online shopping for "pump accessories" aka things that will help secure and hide my insulin pump from sight. One of my issues with the insulin pump when I was last on it was that I had no secure place to put the damn thing when I was wearing a dress. You can put it in a pocket easy. But a dress? So I bought this spandex elastic thing that goes around the thigh (like a garter) and you can put the pump in it. And voila, the pump disappears and I can wear my cute spring dresses. I also bought a sports bra that has a special pouch for an insulin pump while I'm running. That was annoying too, when the pump was bobbing around in my pocket or the pump holster was banging against my hip during a run. All the shopping made me more excited to get back on the pump...and hopefully, I'll stick with it this time. Panc is back. Oh and did I mention yet that my Hemoglobin a1c was 7.2 at my last doctor's appointment? In diabetic lingo, that's fucking awesome.

-Tonight I'm being really wordy for some reason. My dad would be really annoyed; "You're using too many unnecessary words, Emily," he'd say, "you can cut this and this and this out." Speaking of Dad, tomorrow is his 61st birthday. I'm driving him 61 miles from Cincinnati tomorrow so he can ride his bike back and then I'm keeping the car up at school for the week. Happy Birthday, Papa.

Assortment of Random

-Belize was mind-blowing, stretching beyond my expectations. But now that I'm back at school, everyone has asked me the loaded "How was Belize?" question, to which I've sputtered responses that don't even come close to doing the trip justice. It was the best adventure I've ever been on, to date. For the One World Running organization, we fitted and distributed over 1,100 pairs of shoes to the people of Belize City. We also put on a 5K in the city which I ran in. Our first five days were spent in Belize City which was unlike any place I've ever been. The entire city appeared worse off than a bad neighborhood in the United States. We spent one day on the island of Caye Caulker off the coast of Belize where we got to relax on a beautiful beach next to the clearest waters I've ever seen. I also got to snorkel on the second largest coral reef in the world; I touched a stingray! I also got to stand on top of the Temple of the Sun God in the Mayan city of Altun Ha, 31 miles outside of Belize City. The last three days we spent on a nature preserve, Monkey Bay, in the jungle where they turned poop into methane gas to cook the food. At Monkey Bay we went canoeing and swimming in the gorgeous Sibun River as well as spurlonking in Tiger Caves, peering inside Mayan pots that had been in the caves for over 1,000 years. Yeah, the trip was amazing. There's just too much to say about it.

-Last night/this afternoon, Trevor and I decided to take a break. Mainly because I have issues. You would never think a serious issue between a couple could be that the boy loves the girl "too much." But, in a nutshell, that has been our problem for the past several weeks. I am hoping that, out of this break, Trevor will go out and find his own happiness. It is too heavy a burden for me to be his only source of happiness here at Ohio State. We're on a break for now and I'm hoping that it will not only be good for me but good for him, as well.

-The sun is shining over Ohio State and the forecast indicates that it's only going to go up from here. I really need it...

-I got into an online class I wanted but I did not get the 10-15 hour/week job that I wanted. I'm not surprised, however, because the job involved computers and technology and things to which I am not savvy. But I really wanted the extra money.

-Last night I went to see Vampire Weekend in concert. Great concert but the set list was only an hour and 15 minutes long. Very disappointing.

-Right now I'm trying to decide whether I want to take a Public Health minor (easiest), English minor or Spanish minor (hardest). Or no minor at all because I really have no time. Help.

-I'm feeling really anxious and can't sit still. Gotta go.

"To Emily, Stay Wreckless"

Drama, from the MTV show Rob & Big, called me tonight!!!!! I talked to him on the phone, laughing like a giddy teenage girl and saying stupid things like, "I'm blushing right now." In the picture above, he is holding up the sticker he signed for me that says, "To Emily, stay wreckless." (Young & Wreckless is his clothing line).

I've always had a huge high school crush on Drama. Ever since I saw him on the reality television show Rob & Big, he struck me as the most real life person I'd ever seen on televison--like he went to my high school. The furthest thing from a reality telvision star. He was awkward in front of the cameras, loveable and quiet. And he was always getting harassed by his cousin Rob.

I LOVE HIM!

Trevor knew I had a huge crush on Drama and he has a friend who is a friend of Drama's so Trevor set the whole thing up. I can't believe it. I've never met/talked to anyone famous in my whole life. I'm so freakin' smiley right now!

Oh, and not to mention, I leave for Belize at six in the morning tomorrow.

I FUCKING LOVE LIFE!

ONE WEEK UNTIL BELIZE!

Visiting Mayan ruins, snorkeling on Caye Caulker Island, exploring Tiger Caves, canoeing on the Sibun River, checking out jaguars and ocelots and exotic creatures at the Belize Zoo on Monkey Bay, beach-ing it up, educating school children on healthy self care behaviors, putting on a 5K and giving out shoes to the community all for One World Running...

I can hardly wait.

The final hurdle before my first ever international excursion: Finals Week.

Bahhhhhhh.

Firsts

Every day has its first(s). These were two of mine:

Sang in German in Beethoven Fidelio opera.

Met Gordon Gee, the president of Ohio State, and his infamous bow tie.

Dusk

I love running in the evenings.

Dusk lets me pretend my surroundings are anything; that I'm anywhere.

A landlocked college town becomes a beach town, a murky river becomes a bay, the ugliest dormitories become skyscrapers illuminating the sky.

Bad day.

On the bright side, I'm getting a free massage tomorrow.

I've lived without bread and I've lived without water,
Stuck outside the middle of the desert wishin' I was home.
Long way from no where, wishin' I was somewhere,
Sangre de Cristo to the Devils Backbone.

So many small, insignificant-looking moments this weekend but still they made me feel the intensity of each emotion...

Happy to see sunshine, flustered to make my hair look perfect, carefree surrounded by people I love in shiny dresses and ties, careless about taking shots of Sour Apple Smirnoff with just about every one (when I was supposed to be the Sober Sister), embarrassed being sent home for drinking, comforted in his arms, worrying and worrying, mustering courage to apologize, relief, longing for home, contemplating everything, loving home, reluctant to return to responsibilities, terrified of losing friends, lonely, not lonely, full of love.

OSCARS

I'm listening to Ryan Bingham's CD Mescalito. Bingham's song "The Weary Kind" in Crazy Heart is nominated for the Best Original Song Oscar tonight. I'm obsessed with Bingham now after watching Crazy Heart. Love Jeff Bridges too now.

I'm so excited for the show tonight!!!!

Canadian Persuasion

I'm incredibly obsessed with Drake. He is the only celebrity I've ever truly claimed to love (aside from JC of N*Sync). Dark, tall, sexy, talented, looked delicious in a wheelchair as Jimmy on Degrassi and the lyrics of his songs don't make the feminist in me fume. I also melt when I see or think about his smile. Told you I'm obsessed.

The love of my life is coming to Ohio State to play a free show with one of my other favorite rappers (also Canadian), K-OS (check him out here, here, here).

I have to be at that show or I'll die.

"He likes 'Danny.'"

Daniel, Dan, Danny. "He likes 'Danny,'" his nurse said, stroking Danny's brown hair.

Two weeks ago, Danny was in a sledding accident. Now he is a quadriplegic. He is 16 years old.

Before the accident, Danny played as a center on his high school football team. His team finished in the Top 8 in the state. "Do you have a girlfriend?" my instructor Diane asked. Danny shook his head, no. A typical 16-year-old boy.

Today, during clinical, I was taking care of his tracheotomy--a tube that goes into the trachea, allowing Danny to breathe but preventing him from being able to speak. He could only shake his head yes, no and mouth silent words.

Two weeks ago, Danny was a normal teenager. Today I had to stick a suctioning tube down into his lungs to suck out excessive secretions, helping clear his airway. As you can imagine, having a tube jammed down your windpipe is not a pleasant experience. Danny had tears in his eyes from the force of coughing. "It's almost over, Danny," I consoled him, "You're doing awesome."

Later that day, one of the other nursing students in my clinical group "cath-ed" Danny, meaning she inserted a tube into his bladder that will allow him to urinate.

He can't move his limbs, can't communicate, and he has to pee in a bag. And he's just a 16-year-old boy.

I wish Danny the very best. And I truly appreciate him allowing students to practice and learn vital nursing skills on him--turning his tragedy into at least something very small.