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Happy July 4th

I was looking through the pictures I've taken on my phone. It reminded me that this was one of the best years of my young life...

-Adam's bloody arm and floor (after he let me practice starting IVs on him)
-A view of the Ohio River and Northern Kentucky from Mt. Adams
-Group of drunk boys in a lake trying to lift a fallen lifeguard stand out of the water
-Kiddie pool filled with beers
-Bottle of Andre (a favorite of the Glendale Girls and myself)
-Me holding a Bengals shot glass (which I then sent in a text message to my father)
-A list of rules from the Rubgy house ("Don't break shit, Don't steal shit, Don't take a shit")
-The Block O pyrotechnics show from Best Day of Your Life
-Chagrin Falls in Cleveland (taken on our Women's Glee Club tour)
-My purple insulin pump right after I had gone back on it
-Quote in Entertainment Weekly from Modern Family's Manny: "You have a laugh that makes science lab seem like recess."
-"Bourbon, whiskey" written in my nursing notes
-Flowers from Trevor on my desk
-A shirt that says "Laissez les bons temps rouler" (Let the good times roll) in New Orleans
-House on 15th that won the Christmas lights contest
-View from our seats at Paul Brown Stadium
-The word "Love" etched onto a bathroom stall
-Electronic countdown clock to Christmas--96 days, 2 hours, 2 minutes and 123 seconds--in the men's soccer house (they get really hyped for Christmas because they throw a huge Christmas party every year)

Just a taste of all the shenanigans that took place over the past half a year.

Father's Day

Saw my brother for the first time in a couple months. He has a new girlfriend, Lisa, who is a nurse. One time she used the word, "distended" and he was like, "What the fuck?" The two of us laughed about "nurse talk." Jody came over; she comes over a lot ever since Larry died last year. Mugsy, her dog, comes over too and he is annoying as fuck. We all gathered for Father's Day; Abby called and then Sarah called Dad this morning. So much love in our family; I love it. Seth, Mom, Dad, Jody and I sat at the dinner table for a long time, just talking about everything. Tonight I passed on the cheesecake. Tomorrow I go to the hospital to find out my Hemoglobin a1c. Don't want to fuck anything up. No dessert, thanks. Mom tells a million stories about Seth and I growing up. Jody says, "Emily, you're such a classic beauty" and I don't know how to take a compliment. I laugh and thank Mom and Dad for my genes, I guess. Jody is a sculptor and she went to the Art Institute in Chicago. She tells me I have the same features of the women she's studied in portraits. I haven't showered since yesterday and my hair is tied back in a knot. What the fuck is she talking about? Artist talk. I hug Dad and tell him Happy Father's Day, I'm going to Hannah's. I grab a flashlight and start walking. Walking everywhere on campus is the only reason I didn't become obese at school so I figure I'll try to maintain that while I'm home. The night is hot but it's bearable. At Han's, we all sit on the porch, drinking beers and laughing and talking. I just think about how blessed I am. My insulin pump, which I'm wearing in my bra, keeps fucking beeping. I'm low on insulin. But I'm just going to ignore it and go to bed. I still think I'm lucky. Are "blessed" and "lucky" different? I don't know the difference...

I

I keep wondering to myself, "Where did this year go? How did it go by so quickly?" And then I remind myself, "Oh yeah, because I had a fucking blast."

Birthday

I'm 20 years old, it's beautiful outside, I got a 100% on my Nursing 385 midterm, Patricia made me chocolate cake with chocolate icing for dessert tonight and I've been getting loving all day.

Best day ever. And this weekend is only going to get better!

a more important blog.

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Pumped

I'm back on the insulin pump!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it. Last time I was on the pump I had to apply numbing cream an hour before I manually inserted a huge needle into my skin. Now I have these things called MIOs where I can basically cock it back like a gun, press down and the needle shoots into my skin and the process is less painful and then it's over. Oh, and they're pink.

YESSSSSSSSSSSS!

Happiness

Today was one of those days where you're overflowing with happiness and you're so excited to be alive.

My favorite kind of day.

61

-I broached the subject of studying abroad in Australia with my mom today while we were walking Sadie around the neighborhood. She didn't respond with, "Sure! Go for it!" but she didn't shoot me down either. So that's good. Studying abroad is stupid expensive but I can't stop thinking about it.

-I sent out about 7,000 e-mails in the past two days. I e-mailed people about potential jobs, internships, volunteer opportunities and joining organizations. I really want to make some money (maybe to put toward studying abroad). And I really want to do some crazy shit for some reason. So I e-mailed the President of OSU's Mountaineering Club and I'm going to a meeting tomorrow at 8. Lately, I've also had a renewed desire to be a journalist. But I want to only interview people and tell their life stories. Every week, I spend so much time getting to know my patients in the hospital--basically interviewing them--and while I was in Belize, I met this amazing 78-some-year-old woman named Gertrude who I could've written a War and Peace sized book about. I want to write again, or something. I don't know how to organize and control my spontaneous impulses lately; I want to rock climb in Utah, learn how to Tango or Salsa dance, study abroad in Australia, write about people and sing a solo in front of an audience. Why not?

-Last night I hung out with three girls from my childhood. From 9 PM until 2:30 AM, we didn't stop talking. They were my best friends growing up and to see all of us together and grown now is still remarkable to me sometimes when I think about it. Although we lost almost all contact during high school, due in part to different schools and different grade levels and what not, I feel as if I can turn to them now more so than I can turn to people I considered my best friends in high school. It's so strange how that can happen.

-I didn't feel like writing about my wallet being stolen in Belize while I was volunteering. It wasn't robbed off of my person, thankfully, but it was taken from my bookbag when I wasn't around. I didn't get worked up about the incident when it happened in Belize because it just is what it is. All of its contents were replaceable. Shit happens. Well, tonight, I recieved a phone call from a woman who put me on the phone with her son in Belize. Her son then told me that he had found my wallet in Belize on the ground and he said some other things that I couldn't really understand through his thick accent. But this man told me that he had found my wallet but he had not returned it earlier because he had been shot. I told him I was sorry to hear that. He asked how he could get it back to me and I told him to send it to the address on my driver's license. Shortly after he told me he'd love to return it back to me, the phone call got cut off. I guess I'll be seeing my long lost wallet again. Thanks, dude.

-I will be back on the Medtronic MiniMed insulin pump a week from tomorrow. It's been three-ish years since I've been hooked up to an insulin pump. Yesterday Mom and I went online shopping for "pump accessories" aka things that will help secure and hide my insulin pump from sight. One of my issues with the insulin pump when I was last on it was that I had no secure place to put the damn thing when I was wearing a dress. You can put it in a pocket easy. But a dress? So I bought this spandex elastic thing that goes around the thigh (like a garter) and you can put the pump in it. And voila, the pump disappears and I can wear my cute spring dresses. I also bought a sports bra that has a special pouch for an insulin pump while I'm running. That was annoying too, when the pump was bobbing around in my pocket or the pump holster was banging against my hip during a run. All the shopping made me more excited to get back on the pump...and hopefully, I'll stick with it this time. Panc is back. Oh and did I mention yet that my Hemoglobin a1c was 7.2 at my last doctor's appointment? In diabetic lingo, that's fucking awesome.

-Tonight I'm being really wordy for some reason. My dad would be really annoyed; "You're using too many unnecessary words, Emily," he'd say, "you can cut this and this and this out." Speaking of Dad, tomorrow is his 61st birthday. I'm driving him 61 miles from Cincinnati tomorrow so he can ride his bike back and then I'm keeping the car up at school for the week. Happy Birthday, Papa.

Assortment of Random

-Belize was mind-blowing, stretching beyond my expectations. But now that I'm back at school, everyone has asked me the loaded "How was Belize?" question, to which I've sputtered responses that don't even come close to doing the trip justice. It was the best adventure I've ever been on, to date. For the One World Running organization, we fitted and distributed over 1,100 pairs of shoes to the people of Belize City. We also put on a 5K in the city which I ran in. Our first five days were spent in Belize City which was unlike any place I've ever been. The entire city appeared worse off than a bad neighborhood in the United States. We spent one day on the island of Caye Caulker off the coast of Belize where we got to relax on a beautiful beach next to the clearest waters I've ever seen. I also got to snorkel on the second largest coral reef in the world; I touched a stingray! I also got to stand on top of the Temple of the Sun God in the Mayan city of Altun Ha, 31 miles outside of Belize City. The last three days we spent on a nature preserve, Monkey Bay, in the jungle where they turned poop into methane gas to cook the food. At Monkey Bay we went canoeing and swimming in the gorgeous Sibun River as well as spurlonking in Tiger Caves, peering inside Mayan pots that had been in the caves for over 1,000 years. Yeah, the trip was amazing. There's just too much to say about it.

-Last night/this afternoon, Trevor and I decided to take a break. Mainly because I have issues. You would never think a serious issue between a couple could be that the boy loves the girl "too much." But, in a nutshell, that has been our problem for the past several weeks. I am hoping that, out of this break, Trevor will go out and find his own happiness. It is too heavy a burden for me to be his only source of happiness here at Ohio State. We're on a break for now and I'm hoping that it will not only be good for me but good for him, as well.

-The sun is shining over Ohio State and the forecast indicates that it's only going to go up from here. I really need it...

-I got into an online class I wanted but I did not get the 10-15 hour/week job that I wanted. I'm not surprised, however, because the job involved computers and technology and things to which I am not savvy. But I really wanted the extra money.

-Last night I went to see Vampire Weekend in concert. Great concert but the set list was only an hour and 15 minutes long. Very disappointing.

-Right now I'm trying to decide whether I want to take a Public Health minor (easiest), English minor or Spanish minor (hardest). Or no minor at all because I really have no time. Help.

-I'm feeling really anxious and can't sit still. Gotta go.

"To Emily, Stay Wreckless"

Drama, from the MTV show Rob & Big, called me tonight!!!!! I talked to him on the phone, laughing like a giddy teenage girl and saying stupid things like, "I'm blushing right now." In the picture above, he is holding up the sticker he signed for me that says, "To Emily, stay wreckless." (Young & Wreckless is his clothing line).

I've always had a huge high school crush on Drama. Ever since I saw him on the reality television show Rob & Big, he struck me as the most real life person I'd ever seen on televison--like he went to my high school. The furthest thing from a reality telvision star. He was awkward in front of the cameras, loveable and quiet. And he was always getting harassed by his cousin Rob.

I LOVE HIM!

Trevor knew I had a huge crush on Drama and he has a friend who is a friend of Drama's so Trevor set the whole thing up. I can't believe it. I've never met/talked to anyone famous in my whole life. I'm so freakin' smiley right now!

Oh, and not to mention, I leave for Belize at six in the morning tomorrow.

I FUCKING LOVE LIFE!

ONE WEEK UNTIL BELIZE!

Visiting Mayan ruins, snorkeling on Caye Caulker Island, exploring Tiger Caves, canoeing on the Sibun River, checking out jaguars and ocelots and exotic creatures at the Belize Zoo on Monkey Bay, beach-ing it up, educating school children on healthy self care behaviors, putting on a 5K and giving out shoes to the community all for One World Running...

I can hardly wait.

The final hurdle before my first ever international excursion: Finals Week.

Bahhhhhhh.

Firsts

Every day has its first(s). These were two of mine:

Sang in German in Beethoven Fidelio opera.

Met Gordon Gee, the president of Ohio State, and his infamous bow tie.

Dusk

I love running in the evenings.

Dusk lets me pretend my surroundings are anything; that I'm anywhere.

A landlocked college town becomes a beach town, a murky river becomes a bay, the ugliest dormitories become skyscrapers illuminating the sky.

Bad day.

On the bright side, I'm getting a free massage tomorrow.

I've lived without bread and I've lived without water,
Stuck outside the middle of the desert wishin' I was home.
Long way from no where, wishin' I was somewhere,
Sangre de Cristo to the Devils Backbone.

So many small, insignificant-looking moments this weekend but still they made me feel the intensity of each emotion...

Happy to see sunshine, flustered to make my hair look perfect, carefree surrounded by people I love in shiny dresses and ties, careless about taking shots of Sour Apple Smirnoff with just about every one (when I was supposed to be the Sober Sister), embarrassed being sent home for drinking, comforted in his arms, worrying and worrying, mustering courage to apologize, relief, longing for home, contemplating everything, loving home, reluctant to return to responsibilities, terrified of losing friends, lonely, not lonely, full of love.

OSCARS

I'm listening to Ryan Bingham's CD Mescalito. Bingham's song "The Weary Kind" in Crazy Heart is nominated for the Best Original Song Oscar tonight. I'm obsessed with Bingham now after watching Crazy Heart. Love Jeff Bridges too now.

I'm so excited for the show tonight!!!!

Canadian Persuasion

I'm incredibly obsessed with Drake. He is the only celebrity I've ever truly claimed to love (aside from JC of N*Sync). Dark, tall, sexy, talented, looked delicious in a wheelchair as Jimmy on Degrassi and the lyrics of his songs don't make the feminist in me fume. I also melt when I see or think about his smile. Told you I'm obsessed.

The love of my life is coming to Ohio State to play a free show with one of my other favorite rappers (also Canadian), K-OS (check him out here, here, here).

I have to be at that show or I'll die.

"He likes 'Danny.'"

Daniel, Dan, Danny. "He likes 'Danny,'" his nurse said, stroking Danny's brown hair.

Two weeks ago, Danny was in a sledding accident. Now he is a quadriplegic. He is 16 years old.

Before the accident, Danny played as a center on his high school football team. His team finished in the Top 8 in the state. "Do you have a girlfriend?" my instructor Diane asked. Danny shook his head, no. A typical 16-year-old boy.

Today, during clinical, I was taking care of his tracheotomy--a tube that goes into the trachea, allowing Danny to breathe but preventing him from being able to speak. He could only shake his head yes, no and mouth silent words.

Two weeks ago, Danny was a normal teenager. Today I had to stick a suctioning tube down into his lungs to suck out excessive secretions, helping clear his airway. As you can imagine, having a tube jammed down your windpipe is not a pleasant experience. Danny had tears in his eyes from the force of coughing. "It's almost over, Danny," I consoled him, "You're doing awesome."

Later that day, one of the other nursing students in my clinical group "cath-ed" Danny, meaning she inserted a tube into his bladder that will allow him to urinate.

He can't move his limbs, can't communicate, and he has to pee in a bag. And he's just a 16-year-old boy.

I wish Danny the very best. And I truly appreciate him allowing students to practice and learn vital nursing skills on him--turning his tragedy into at least something very small.

This summer, I think I'm going to drive across the country to California...

V-Day vs. Wolfman

When given the choice between seeing a midnight showing of Valentine's Day or Wolfman...I picked Wolfman.

Concerts!

Trevor bought us tickets to John Mayer on March 12...

And tickets to Vampire Weekend on March 29 (although I'm forcing him to except my half of the ticket/shipping expenses for this one).

I can't wait!

"They've never given an organ transplant to an inmate."

In the hospital today during clinical, my patient was a 52-year-old white male with extensive liver damage caused by years and years of alcoholism (he told me he drank a case of beer a day for 20 years.)

He was also a prisoner convicted of murder and mutilation of a body.

But you'd never guess. He could be your grandfather; gray-haired, balding, standing only 5'7" tall. Look down, however, and you'd see his shackled feet. And beside him stood a towering prison guard who never let him out of sight.

Before meeting my patient, I pictured a cold, hardened, uncooperative criminal.

But then I spent two hours talking to this criminal/person/man/human being about his life...

He was born in West Virginia--"a hick," he called himself--and moved to Ohio when he was ten years old. He began working at a young age to support himself and eventually he became a skilled tradesman; a welder, a mechanic, a construction worker, etc. He made good money that way, traveling to different places for contracted work. There was no mention of a wife or a girlfriend but he spoke fondly of his two daughters, one 29 and the other 30, and of his two grandchildren, a boy and a girl.

He then began to tell me about the alleged events leading up to his arrest and sentencing to life in prison...

He had been passed out drunk one night and when he awoke, there was a dead body in his house. "A murder I didn't commit...and I know that's hard to believe, even for me," he told me. He described an immense "spirit of fear" that overcame him upon discovering the body and how it drove him to "get rid of" the body rather than calling the police. He feared that he would be blamed for the murder. I asked him if he knew the dead person and he said yes, he had. I could see his remorse. I knew he believed his story.

That was ten years ago and he's been behind bars ever since. He devoted the past four years to "Bible College" where he took classes to learn about the Bible and biblical theology, earning himself a Bachelor's Degree. "If The Lord took me today, I'm ready," he said, "but I want to spend time with my daughters." I'm not sure whether he had been a religious man before prison but he was very spiritual when I sat with him. I could see the comfort religion gave him. He understood the likely outcome of his progressive liver failure, "They've never given an organ transplant to an inmate. It's never been done."

Our conversation took place as we waited for his esophagogastroduodenoscopy (EGD) procedure. An EGD is when they weave a fiber optic endoscope with a camera through the esophagus and into the stomach and intestines so you can see the entire gastrointestinal tract. It was really cool because the doctor and nurses performing the procedure explained to me everything we saw. I saw inside my patient's stomach!

After my patient had returned to his room from the endoscopy and I had finished my tasks for the day, I went to his room to thank him and to say goodbye.

"You're not going to be back?" he asked, breaking my heart a little bit when I told him no, I wouldn't.

And then he told me something I'll remember forever: "Emily, what you are doing is commendable. Thank you."

Katydid, the hiatus is over!

Oh, hey again. It's been a while.

A lot has happened in the past three weeks...one day I need to write a post that isn't just a random assortment of Emily life things...

-I hung up Time magazine's cover story on Haiti on the wall above my desk. I put it there so I can always be reminded how extremely, remarkably, unfairly fortunate I am and that it is my duty to help people like the Haitians. And one day I very well will travel to Haiti to help because they're going to be rebuilding for a long, long time.

-I decided yesterday I'm going to apply to work at St. Jude Children's Research Hospital in Memphis (Disneyland in hospital form) after I graduate, make some money, then travel and nurse around the world. Good plan, huh?

-I had a very exciting day in the hospital last week during my clinical. My patient was a 58-year-old woman (although she looked to be 88) who was usually quiet but her one-liners were hysterical. She was extremely patient with me and willing to help me practice my skills. I inserted a foley catheter (a tube that goes through the urethra into the bladder) while practicing sterile technique (maintaining a sterile field is probably the hardest part). Later that day, I measured, cleaned and packed a wound. I felt like a real nurse.

-I'm obsessed with Vampire Weekend's new CD, Contra.

-We were blessed with 31 beautiful "baby" Tri-Deltas after Rush this year. Recruiting took up about 96.7% of my time over the past two weekends. Glad it's over but well worth it.

-A friend in Delta Sigma Theta, one of the black sororities on campus, asked me to participate on a panel for their program, A Day in the Life of a Diabetic. Along with a Delta Sigma Theta graduate with type 2 diabetes, we answered questions for the women in the sorority. It was a lot of fun and I really enjoyed it. It got me thinking about speaking publicly to more people about type 1 diabetes...

-Still not on the insulin pump although the pump, supplies and insulin are all waiting for me at home. Very frustrating.

-I've sent out half my fundraising letters for my trip to Belize. I'm stamping and sending the next half tomorrow. It's two months away! The first time in my life crossing the borders of the United States.

-I'm going to start writing here as often as I can. I miss this. Well, I miss writing real posts...not this cop-out of a post.

-It is fucking cold outside. The end.

Random and choppy is the best I can do

-Auditioned for Women's Glee Club and even after two years without exercising my vocal chords, they offered me a spot! Soprano 2. What what.

-Classes suck. Except for Music 203.05 aka Women's Glee Club.

-It's cold as fuck and I forgot my gloves in the jacket I forgot at home. Genius.

-I can't fall asleep because I took a two-hour nap after class today. It was my first day back in clinical and with a new instructor (she drills us harder than my former clinical instructor, which I appreciate). I had an inexplicably low blood sugar of 38 (think death--I want my blood sugar to be around, like, 100) followed by a blood sugar of 56. So I wasn't allowed to do much in the hospital today. I felt beyond useless.

-After a bad day of being glove-less, useless, and sugar-less, I came home to a beautiful bouquet of flowers from Trevor (picture at the top). It's our six month anniversary today. Instant mood uplifted.

-Because I can't sleep, I decorated my room with photos of my family. For Christmas, Dad divided up his vast collection of pictures between Abby, Seth, Sarah and I. I have photos of Grandpa in his military uniform in 1944, Grandma with friends, Mom's mother Nonny holding baby Sarah, uncles and Dad as little boys, Mom in Italy as a teenager, Mom and Dad at their wedding and tons of pictures of the four of us kids growing up. I put a collage of these random pictures on my dresser under the glass covering and tacked some onto the cork board on my desk.



-Back on Twitter. Not regretting it.

-I love Miike Snow for some reason.

-These next several weeks are filled with lots of Glee Club, sorority recruitment, training sessions to be a leader for MLK Day of Service (more about that later), more recruitment, recruitment workshops, more rehearsals, Belize meetings, and studying. And maybe some living free of commitments and responsibilities. Yeah, right...

:-(

Boyfriend is leaving Ohio State. Fucking awesome. I'm sensing a trend.

Whatever.

Watching this video makes me feel better...

It's 2010

I'll put "09" in the date on the next check I write. Guaranteed!